“I’m so far past that. I’ve been up for two days.” I shift my shoulders. They’re so sore they click as I move them.
He stares at me. “Ten Hells, why didn’t you stop?”
“I saw the dead zaybear, and I needed to know you were okay. I couldn’t rest until I reached you, so I rode all night.”
Royo shakes his head. “You’re the most foolish girl I know.”
But he says it likeI love you.Being called a fool shouldn’t make my chest fill with joy, but here we are.
“I know,” I say, lying back down.
He hesitates, but he turns out the oil lamp. I can still see him in the moonlight, though. Those super broad shoulders and muscled arms.
Slowly, reluctantly, he gets into the other side of the bed. I think about clinging to him like the barnacles on the fleet ship, but he might go sleep in the horse stall if I touch him.
“I really am sorry, Royo,” I whisper in the quiet.
“Why didn’t you say so on the ship?” he murmurs. I feel the vibrations of his voice on the mattress, and I love it. I love hearing, seeing, and feeling him.
I shrug. “I thought you wanted to kill me.”
“I did…” He looks over at me and hesitates. “Because you didn’t apologize. I thought you just didn’t care.”
“How could you think that?” I ask, my eyebrows shooting up. “You know me.”
“No, I knew a girl named Aeri. Not a princess.”
“Royo, all I am is a girl named Aeri. Naerium died seven years ago, and no one mourned her.”
He stares at me, his eyes shining in the moonlight. Pity and then understanding flashes in them. “Don’t ever lie to me again, Aeri.”
“I won’t.” I yawn. I really hope I mean it.
He adjusts his pillow, his body stiff as can be on the bed, but at least he’s next to me. I fall right to sleep, although I wish I could stay awake just to hold on to this moment for a little longer. Tomorrow, we’ll leave for what promises to be certain death. But right now, I hold on to this fleeting moment.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Mikail
The Western Pass, Khitan
We trek back to the sleigh. Sora doesn’t complain about a single step, even though three of her toes have frostbite. We need to find winter gear for her before we reach the ice caves. Luckily, Loptra isn’t far.
Loptra is a new-style city, without a single building over a hundred years old, because the Marnans burned it all to the ground on their march to Vashney a century ago.
Once we reach the sleigh, Euyn gives Sora a spare set of his clothes. He is around half a foot taller than she is, so they hardly fit. They’ll work for now, though, as all she needs to do is rest.
Sora goes behind the sled and changes out of her gown. As soon as she’s finished, she lies down under the fur blankets in the back. That leaves me alone with Euyn in the front.
I repaired the harness when we caught up to the sleigh, and I’m glad I did because the Western Pass can be treacherous. The road mostly winds through the mountain valley, but there are sections of narrow paths carved along the cliffs. I’ve taken the pass back to Yusan a few times, and I can’t say any of those treks were easy.
Euyn drives through the light snowfall. He is a decent coachman, cautious and attentive. He is also, undeniably, a bad person.
To be clear, I never thought Euyn was a good person. Ididthink that removed from the opulence and decadence of Qali, hecouldbe, especially after he was banished and lived among commoners in Fallow for years. But after our conversation about the priest, I see I was wrong. The Baejkins are rotten to their core.
Euyn loves me—I believe that. He’d give his life for me and has proven that several times now. But as much as I look for the good in him, it’s not enough. Not enough to hold absolute power. The throne only makes immortality greater, only deepens character flaws, and he has too many to exploit. His Baejkin thinking will prevent him from ruling fairly and ultimately from freeing Gaya. He will always be able to justify suppressing others if it benefits Yusan.
His rule will only be more of the same. Or worse. Euyn being given immortal power has the makings of a disaster.
