I go up to my room and toss my bag onto a patterned chair. Weapons clang inside, but the gold bars and the million-cut diamond are gone—taken by the palace before they sent us on this trip. All of the money I saved to buy Hwan’s freedom. All of those years of blood work. All of the screams and death and close calls for no coin. I never let it in, the shit I’ve done, because it was what I had to do. But now that it was all for nothing, everything rushes back.
The pleas for mercy, the cries and death throes echo in my head. The ghosts of past wrongs stand over me. The men who ain’t did nothing to me but I made bleed. My shoulders fall, the weight too much. The gurgling, the begging, the tears. I put my palms over my ears to make it stop. Doesn’t help because the sound isinme.
No. I shake my head and stand up straight. Everything I did can’t be for no reason. It all led me here. I’ll free an innocent man. And by killing the king, we’ll save a bunch of prisoners who don’t deserve to die. Maybe it won’t balance my scales, but it won’t hurt none either.
I throw off the memories and strike a match, starting a fire. We’ve got a job to do.
The dry wood in the hearth sparks to life, the flames dancing on the logs. Fire is the best comfort when you’re wet and weary. The only thing better is the arms of someone you love.
Aeri.
No. NotAeri. Princess Naerium.
She was a princess this whole fucking time. And she said nothing.
My chest squeezes. I’ve got no money and no girl, all because she was playing me from the start. And even knowing all that, I still couldn’t help myself. I listened at the wall on the ship, making sure she was safe in her room. I patrolled to keep the others from killing her. Because what I had with her felt real. Because I’m lonely. Because I am the king of fucking chumps.
I groan, tipping my head back. I stare at the tin ceiling. I gotta stop. I gotta turn cold. I can’t care what happens to Princess Naerium. Aeri is dead to me—I have to accept it.
But I can’t.
I keep going back to the fact that Aeri stole the crown in the arena. She did her part for us. She chose us and double-crossed the king.
No, she double-crossed herfather. She had talked about them as separate people, and I fell for it. The same way I fell for her—hopelessly, stupidly. It wasn’t real.
Except that after we were captured, she begged for my freedom. Only me.
I run a hand down my face as my thoughts loop around for the hundredth fucking time. My scar hurts, my face aching. The week on the ship allowed me to heal and for my headache to fade. This is the best I’ve felt physically since I left Umbria and the worst because of Aeri.
And Bay Chin.
As confused as I am about her, the only thing I want with the northern count is to watch him bleed. He was the one who told Aeri to look for me. He was the one who set up Hwan. I don’t know why—I’m not smart enough to figure it all out. But I am strong enough. I will make it out of Khitan and watch Bay Chin breathe his last gasp in front of me. I will be the last thing he sees before the light leaves his eyes.
There’s a knock on my door, and I’m halfway to answering before I realize I’m only racing there because I think it’s Aeri. Chances are it’s not. She didn’t look for me on the ship. Not once. Not to apologize. Not to explain herself. Nothing.
Because she doesn’t care. Not really.
I let the sting of that settle into my bones. I need to let it hurt—pain is the only thing that’s going to make me wise up.
I turn the doorknob, and it’s not her. Disappointment sits heavy in my chest, but I shake it off. It’s Sora, and her eyes are ringed with sadness from missing her sister and Tiyung. Or because Euyn hunted her father. Or for any other shit reason we’re here.
“We need to go over the plan now that we’re in Khitan,” she says. Her nice voice sounds weary. She’s the best of us, though. The only one who hasn’t lied. Well, I guess I haven’t, either. Except to myself, but that don’t count.
“Okay.” I grab another blade and tuck it into my belt.
Sora wants to start a war. I still kind of think we should give Joon the ring, but if what Mikail said is true, Sora’s plan is the only shot I have at saving Hwan.
That’s a big if, though. The spymaster could just be lying. I don’t get why everyone always believes him.
She knocks on the door next to mine. Aeri’s room. Furniture creaks and groans, and the door opens a crack. A sliver of Aeri’s face appears before she swings the door wider and steps out. She pauses when she sees me. Her big brown eyes meet mine—a little afraid, a little hopeful.
I look away.
It was easier to hate her when I didn’t have to see the worry in her eyes. She seems guilty, sorry, but if she were, she would’ve said it. Nah. She has the same amount of remorse as the rest of her family—none.
Next, we go to Euyn’s suite. After a while, he answers, too. He shrinks back, his shoulders coming forward when he sees Sora. He’s thinner than when we left Yusan, his cheekbones sharper. I think he got seasick. Pretty sure I heard him puking as I patrolled.
“Where’s Mikail?” I ask. There’s nobody in the room with Euyn.
