Which gave me so much relief that I realized I truly didn’t want to work for MGM. The thought of a seven-year contract working for such a ruthless man, no matter how much he could benefit my career, wasn’t what I wanted.
But I didn’t tell him. Something stopped me.
The set was strangely quiet as I entered Soundstage 1 that morning. A few crew members were working on the lighting for a scene we would shoot later that day. We were getting close to the end of the movie. A few years had passed for the March family. Amy and Aunt March had gone to Europe without Jo, and Beth was at home, dying from complications of scarlet fever.
Max Factor had come to the set the day before and done wonders to make Lydia look older than fifteen. Amy and Laurie would meet up in Europe, where Laurie had gone after Jo’s rejection, and they would fall in love. It would not happen on-screen, and there were no romantic scenes between them, so Grace had no problems with Lydia playing Spencer’s love interest.
But Lydia was ecstatic.
I had arrived with Papa before everyone else that morning. I found myself looking for quiet moments more often, trying to prioritize them in my loud and chaotic world.
Papa had gone to his office, and I went to see the attic, which had just been completed. There would only be two scenes in theattic, and both were with Jo and Laurie. The first was the scene when Beth became critically ill with scarlet fever, and Jo didn’t think Marmee would get back from Washington, DC, in time to see her. She would go to the attic to cry and be alone, but Laurie would come and tell her he had already sent for Marmee and that she would be on the two o’clock train that night.
I walked onto the stage where the attic had been built, my shoes tapping and causing an echo in the quiet space. This set had taken a little longer to build because in both scenes it would be raining outside. The crew had worked hard to make it appear to rain just outside the window.
The set looked like a typical mid-nineteenth-century New England attic, with Revolutionary War antiques, steamer trunks, and various items hanging from the slanted ceilings and walls. I walked to the chaise lounge, where I would be sitting in both scenes.
I sat down, running my hand over the brocade. I wasn’t in costume yet, but it was easy to get into character since I’d been playing Jo for weeks and I knew Louisa May Alcott in real life. I reclined on the chaise, surprised at how comfortable it was, and closed my eyes.
I’d been so busy, so focused on helping Father and Papa and Mama. It hit me with sudden clarity that my birthday was only five weeks away.
Only five weeks until I had to choose which path to keep and which to forfeit. And I still didn’t know. I had pushed the thought of it away so often, it didn’t feel real. It didn’t seem possible that in five short weeks I would say good-bye forever to one path and all the people I loved in it.
What was I going to do?
What did I want?
“Is it that bad?”
My eyes flew open. Spencer stood above me, wearing his street clothes, compassion on his face.
“I’m here,” he said as he sat on the chaise next to me, putting his hand on my cheek. “Hold on to me, Jo dear.”
He was reciting lines for the first scene we would film in the attic.
I put my hand over his, tears gathering in my eyes. Just like Jo, I would have to say good-bye to people I loved. She was losing Beth. I would be losing so much more.
I had been in denial for so long.
Spencer’s expression changed and filled with concern. “Say. What’s wrong, Ally?”
I could never tell him. He wouldn’t understand, and he’d never believe me. Besides, if I chose 1929, he would have nothing to worry about. If I chose 1849 and died here, he’d have to mourn my loss, but why make him suffer longer than necessary? That had been my own mindset for months. Why think about it and prolong the pain?
Yet, here I sat, five weeks from making the biggest decision of my life, and I had no idea what I was going to do.
“It’s nothing,” I said, moving my face away from his hand and wiping the tears from my cheeks.
“Something is bothering you.”
I had to come up with a reason, so I said the only one that would make sense. “I don’t want to accept Mr. Mayer’s offer.”
A grin lit up his handsome face. “Is that all? Girls. Everything makes you cry.” He played with his fedora. “It’s just a business deal, Ally. It’s not a life-or-death situation. I think you’re foolish not to accept it, but it’s not my choice.”
Iwasdealing with a life-and-death situation, but he couldn’t know that. “I can’t imagine being contractually obligated to someone for seven years.”
He chuckled. “Being contractually obligated to me for a month has been bad enough, hasn’t it?”
I put my hand on his arm. “It hasn’t been all that bad. Other than a few uncomfortable moments in a speakeasy, on a gambling ship, and at Mr. Mayer’s house, it’s been pretty enjoyable.” We’d been working so much, there wasn’t a lot of time for outings, though Spencer came to our house often and we eventually madeit to the symphonic orchestra. The fan magazines were full of news about our relationship, but I was almost certain Mr. Fellbaum was feeding them the information he wanted them to share.
