“And if Bess was convicted,” I continued, “the courts would have been much harsher on her as a woman. So you took the blame. You went to the penal colony in her place and took thelifelong brand. And you live with the consequences of it hanging over your head.”
When he lifted his gaze, tears filled my eyes at the look of love and devotion I saw there. “And I would do it all over again for her and Johnnie. The branding, the whipping, the degradations, and abuse. I would carry the shame and guilt over for her, if I had to, because she didn’t deserve it. I was the fool who introduced her to my brother.”
“You were in love with her.”
He set his plate on the ground. “It was more than being in love. IlovedBess.” He pulled his knees up and set his forearms across them. “I fell in love with her when I was sixteen years old, but we were too young to marry. And once my brother, Alfred, met her, he wanted her for himself. He was ten years older than her, but it didn’t matter.” Sam worked his jaw back and forth, and I could imagine the memories racing through his mind. “Alfred put Bess in a compromising situation, and when her father learned the truth, he forced Alfred to marry her, which was exactly what Alfred wanted. He stole her away from me, and there was nothing I could do to protect her from him.”
I placed my hand on Sam’s arm and could feel the tension in his muscles. “I’m so sorry.”
“She found herself married to a man she hated at the age of seventeen and pregnant with Johnnie not long after.” He shook his head and didn’t even seem to notice my hand. “I was so heartsore and angry that I went abroad for a year.” He paused, and I could tell it was hard for him to admit the truth. “I had to stay away, which left room for Paddy to come into her life.”
I removed my hand and was silent as I listened, unable and unwilling to eat as I waited for him to continue.
“I came back because she sent me a letter telling me that Alfred had been abusing her and Johnnie. She was planning to leave him. The night I returned, I went to their townhome in London, but Paddy was already there. Alfred had caught him trying to help Bess leave and struck him over the back of the head with an iron firepoker. Paddy was lying in his own blood on the floor while Johnnie cowered in the corner. Alfred was hurting Bess, so I stepped in.” He took several deep breaths. “All of my anger and hatred toward Alfred unleashed in that moment, and I fought with all I had until he pulled a knife on me.” He touched his eyebrow where the scar still pulled. “I was able to deflect the knife, but at that moment, Bess screamed Alfred’s name, and he turned to her—we both did. She was holding a gun, the one Alfred kept in his desk drawer, and warned him to stop. But he didn’t listen. He lunged at her with the knife, and she pulled the trigger. He died almost instantly.”
“And you told the authorities you had done it.”
“It was the only way to protect her. She didn’t want me to take the blame, but I told her that she had to be free to raise Johnnie and take care of Paddy. If it wasn’t for them, she wouldn’t have let me take the blame.”
“And she told Johnnie never to speak about it to anyone.”
“He hasn’t said a word since that day. Bess took them to New York City, and I joined them after I was released from the penal colony two years later.”
“I didn’t realize that convicted killers could be released.”
He worked his jaw again and shook his head. “That’s a whole different story, one that involved my father.”
I could tell by his tone of voice that one hard story was all he had in him tonight.
I let out a sad breath, feeling helpless. “What about Bess and Paddy?”
“After that night, Paddy turned into the man you see today. I don’t even know if he remembers what he and Bess were to each other. She felt guilty and obligated to care for him, and she treated him like a brother, nothing more.”
“Oh, Sam.”
He finally met my gaze. His eyes were full of storm clouds, dark and wild with emotions. The scar in his eyebrow now told a new tale and didn’t make him look menacing, but sacrificial and loving. “I’m not looking for your pity, Ally.”
“I don’t pity you. I respect and admire you, but my heart is also breaking.”
“I came to San Francisco to start over, to give Bess and Johnnie the life they deserve, but trouble has followed us here.” He pressed his fist against his mouth. “I still can’t believe that Bess is gone. It offers me some measure of comfort to know she continues to live somewhere else, but that can’t be a comfort to Johnnie. I don’t think he knew, nor could he understand, her time-crossing. That’s why I’m so thankful for you and Hazel and your father. God brought you just in time.”
I had thought we were coming to California for our own future. Perhaps it hadn’t been just about us.
“All I want to do is build a life for Johnnie now.” Sam lowered his legs again and picked up his plate of beans, which were getting cold.
I also lifted my plate, knowing I needed the sustenance, though I wasn’t hungry. Sam’s story revealed so much about his character. He believed in justice and offered his strength to those who were weak, no matter the cost. I was no longer surprised that he was willing to risk everything to help women like Rose.
“And what about you ... and Bess?” I asked, tentatively.
He was quiet for a moment, then sighed. “I will never stop loving Bess. We became family. But over the years, I realized my romantic feelings for her had been that of childish infatuation, dramatic displays of grandiose sacrifice and hollow words.” He turned, and the look in his eyes was different. There was intensity, but it wasn’t fiery or passionate. It was calm. Certain. “I’ve since come to realize that true love, mature love, the kind a man and woman need to sustain them through the years, shouldn’t be so reckless or impulsive. It’s not just flowery words or lavish compliments, or even moments of heroic sacrifice that mark true love.”
“What is true love, Sam?” I really wanted to know. I’d never felt it and wasn’t sure what to even look for.
His gaze caressed my face, causing it to tingle as if he’d touched me.
“True love is the daily dying to yourself, ensuring the comfort and well-being of the one you love, even if that means sacrificing your own wants and desires. Words are important, and communication is essential, but it’s behavior and action where true love is found.” His gaze dropped. “It’s a yearning to touch her, to see her, to know every intimate part of her heart, mind, and body.” He looked at me again, and my skin was on fire. “True love causes you to wonder how you ever lived without her—or how you can go on if she doesn’t love you in return.”
I swallowed the emotions and nerves bubbling up within me as tension wound like a rope inside my chest. The look in Sam’s eyes was so intense, I could hardly breathe.
