“I’m sorry,” I said, reaching for him. “That’s not what I meant. You know why I can’t marry you.”
Father’s gaze landed on my hand and my familiarity with Sam. He shook his head.
Sam nodded, but then he let out a breath as he looked at Father. “I would marry Ally this very day if she agreed, but I’d rather lose everything than force her into a marriage she doesn’t want.” He swallowed his emotions. “Excuse me. I need to speak to Paddy and let Johnnie know I’ve returned.”
He left the front hall without another word.
When I turned back to Father, all I saw was his disappointment.
I’d hurt two of the most important men in my life, and it crushed me.
The kitchen in the San Francisco Hotel was crude at best. There was a cookstove and a board over two sawhorses that served as a worktable and dining table. It wasn’t much, but it had been enough for Father to prepare their meals while we were gone.
He went to the stove and stirred whatever was in the pot as I followed. His movements were choppy and filled with displeasure.I wanted to tell him that in 1929 women didn’t need chaperones and were given more freedom to spend time alone with men. There were still reputations to worry about, but people were less concerned about men and women being alone together. But he didn’t know I lived in 1929, and even if he did, he wouldn’t care. All he was worried about was 1849.
“You might not care about your own reputation,” Father said, apparently not ready to change the subject, “but what about Hazel’s? By the time she is old enough to marry, this wild and unruly city will be civilized, and itwillmatter what people think of her. What you do today will greatly impact her options.”
Guilt and shame pushed down on me because I knew he was speaking the truth. It was easy for me to be flippant and unconcerned about people’s good opinions in 1849 because I didn’t really know anyone here. I should be just as concerned as I was in 1929 about my reputation and how it would impact my family. I didn’t want to do anything that would hurt Hazel’s prospects. The truth was, if I died here in four weeks to stay in 1929, my actions would cast a shadow over her life.
Sam’s voice filtered into the kitchen from the backyard, and my heart ached. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him. I loved him, and if I didn’t have 1929—or know that we couldn’t have a life together because of the fire—I wouldn’t hesitate.
“I will talk to Sam,” I said.
“It’s not what I wanted for you, Ally.” He sighed and walked away from the stove, putting his hands on my shoulders. “But despite what people say about Sam, he has shown us that he is kind and trustworthy.”
“He is more than that.” I couldn’t hide the affection from my voice. “He is sacrificial and thoughtful, and he is a man of faith. He will not accept a single piece of gold, either. He wants us to have it all.”
“He went all that way with you, missing three weeks of profit from his hotel, and he isn’t asking for any of it?” Father frowned as he lowered his hands.
“You told me not to fall in love with him just because he was the only man I knew in San Francisco.” I pressed my lips together as emotion flooded my soul. “But I’ve come to realize that even if I knew all the eligible men in San Francisco, both now and in the future, I would choose Sam over and over.”
Father studied me, joy and sadness mingling in his frown. “Then why would you hesitate to marry him?”
“Because—” I paused, unable to tell him the truth.
“He seems to truly care for you, Ally. I’ve known it for a long time.” He nodded at the back door. “Go talk to him.”
I wasn’t sure what I would say, but I owed Sam an explanation.
Without another word, I left Father in the kitchen and stepped out the back door to the yard, where Paddy was standing with Sam. Johnnie was in Sam’s arms, hugging his neck close like Hazel had done to me, as Paddy struggled to get out a few words. Hazel sat on a log, playing with a piece of kindling like it was a doll.
The sun had set, and the sky was muted with soft pinks and oranges, playing with the handsome lines of Sam’s face.
“E-Engli-shhhh J-J-Jim,” Paddy said with great effort, clearly distressed as he pointed to the hotel. “Th-threat-threatened.”
“English Jim threatened my workers?”
Paddy nodded with relief.
“Is that why they left and didn’t return?” Sam asked.
Again, Paddy nodded. “A-f-fraid.”
When Johnnie saw me, his face lit up with joy, and he wiggled out of Sam’s arms.
Sam set him on the ground with a frown as Johnnie ran toward me, his arms spread out for a hug.
Tears burned my eyes as I bent down and received his hug.
