“Must you go, Alec?”
“I can’t stay.”
It wasn’t an answer—not really.
But it was the only one he gave as he left me standing in the same spot he had left me the night before.
10
Istared at my reflection for a long time that late-February evening as I stood in front of the mirror in my dressing room. Aunt Maude had ordered a dress shipped to us from the House of Worth. It was a beguiling gown of silk, tulle, satin, and brocade in shades of cream and gold. Of all the gowns I’d worn since coming to Aunt Maude’s four months ago, this was the most extravagant and expensive.
It was also the gown I would wear to my debutante ball, which was starting soon.
“Do you like it?” Gallagher asked as she stepped back and let me have a full look at myself. “Do you want anything changed? More tendrils around your face?”
My dark brown hair was styled high with a diamond tiara encircling it. As I moved my head from side to side, it twinkled in the lights.
“I don’t require anything else.” I had heard Aunt Maude say the same to Mrs. Walker many times—yet I couldn’t leave it at that. I turned to my maid and offered her a smile. “Thank you, Gallagher. I don’t know what I would do without you.”
“You’re welcome, miss,” she said with a slight curtsey. She began to clean up the mess we had made with my toilette, but she paused and met my gaze in the mirror. For a moment, her guard came down, and she said, “You’ve come a long way, and you’ve made our kind proud.”
Our kind.
I didn’t know if I should thank her or ignore her, so I simply smiled.
I was no longer the woman who had walked out of Five Points and onto Fifth Avenue four months ago. I was no longer Keira O’Day—yet I didn’t feel like Clara Day Hill, either. I didn’t know who I was anymore.
Gallagher was about to leave the dressing room when I called out to her, “Has Mr. Paxton-Hill arrived?”
She shook her head. “I don’t think so, miss.”
I tried to smile and then nodded for her to leave.
Two months and not a word from Alec. Months of dancing, singing, speaking, reading, and deportment lessons had transformed me into a proper young lady. I had made calls with Aunt Maude to important homes, met dozens of people, danced at several balls, attended church, and visited the opera on three occasions. We had hosted two small dinner parties since Christmas, I had received gentleman callers, including George Vanderbilt, and Aunt Maude had taken me to Delmonico’s Restaurant. We had gone shopping, drove in Central Park on fair days, and spent hours upon hours preparing for my debutante ball. And all that time, he had not written to me once. He sent letters to Aunt Maude, and she mentioned him in passing from time to time, but he hadn’t sent me a card or a note. I wasn’t even certain he would be at my ball tonight.
I lifted my chin, trying not to let my thoughts ruin the evening, and left the dressing room. There was something else I neededto complete my ensemble tonight—something I had stared at for hours but had never worn in my life.
Lifting the top of my jewelry box, I pulled out the gold locket from my mother. Among all the lovely and expensive jewelry I now owned, none compared to this in personal value—though the flower pin Alec had given me at Christmas was a close second.
I slipped the locket around my neck and looked at it for a moment, reminding myself that this was one of the most important reasons I had for following through on my promise to Aunt Maude. The closer we came to leaving for Europe, the more anxious I became to look for my mother. Would she want to meet me? And could she tell me who my father was?
The dressing room door opened, and Aunt Maude appeared in her own beautiful ball gown. It was a rich burgundy with a long train. A burgundy feather plumed from her updo, and her neck, wrists, ears, and fingers dripped with jewels.
She took me in from head to toe, nodding her approval, until her gaze landed on my locket. “What is that?”
“It belonged to my mother.”
Stepping closer, she lifted it for a better look. “It’s beautiful, but not appropriate for tonight. Where is the diamond choker I told you to wear?”
“Please,” I said, never having asked for a favor from her before. “Could I wear the locket?”
Our relationship was not warm, but nor was it unpleasant. I knew my role and she knew hers. Rarely did we cross the lines. There was no affection between us, almost more like an employer and employee. I had been hired for a specific job, and I was fulfilling my duties. She was benevolent and kind, but also firm and demanding. She called me her daughter, but I knew better. I was her pawn in a strategic social game and nothing more.
“Not tonight,” she said. “Perhaps at another ball. Tonight, I need everything to be perfect.”
My chest rose and fell, with the weight of the locket reminding me of the past. It wouldn’t pay to fight her, and I didn’t want to make her angry. Not tonight when there were far too many other things to worry about.
I took off the locket and set it back in my jewelry box before retrieving the diamond choker and stepping in front of the mirror. As she helped me put it on, she said, “You’ve done a marvelous job under my tutelage, Clara. There isn’t a trace of your former self present.”
