Alec stood by the window, looking out on to Buckingham Palace Road.
“Is he gone?” he asked.
"Yes."
“Did he propose?”
“No.” I took a deep breath. “But he plans to.”
I closed the door behind me and took a tentative step toward him. “I’m sorry, Alec.”
“Why?” He let the curtain fall back into place and then turned to face me. “You’ve done nothing wrong, Keira. I’m the one who should apologize. I know you don’t want to marry him and live on the coastal moors. In an old castle with nothing but the ghosts of the past for companions. I’m the one to blame. I should have stopped Aunt Maude on the very first day.”
“You couldn’t, even if you had wanted to. And I didn’t know better.”
“I should have tried harder.” He paused. “If you are truly unhappy, I will live with the guilt of it all my days.”
“I won’t be unhappy,” I tried to promise him as tears stung my eyes, because it wasn’t true. “I’ll be far away from the city, living a solitary life like I always dreamed.” My voice caught. “Even if it’s not quite how I imagined. I’ll find a way to survive. I always have.” I couldn’t stop the tears, and they fell unashamedly down my cheeks.
He stepped toward me and drew me into his arms. “Please don’t cry.”
I clung to him as more tears fell. “I love you, Alec,” I whispered, unable to hold it in any longer, knowing I couldn’t utter the truth once I was engaged to the duke.
He held me tighter but didn’t speak.
I pulled back, but when I did, my heart tore in two.
Alec’s eyes were red from the tears he had not shed, and when he met my gaze, his hands came up and gently cradled my face.
My tears fell harder as I shook my head.
“I love you, too,” he whispered. “With all my heart and soul.”
And then Alec kissed me. It was nothing like the chaste kiss on Christmas evening. This kiss was months in the making. Passionand pain mingled with love as he deepened the kiss, until I was breathless.
He kissed my lips and then my cheeks, and my nose, and finished with a kiss so achingly tender on my forehead, I was afraid I would never breathe again.
When he pulled me into an embrace, he said, "What will we do?”
I held the lapels of his jacket, my cheek pressed against his chest and simply wept.
22
For the first time in a long time, Aunt Maude let me rest. The success of the previous week had put her in a good mood, and she had not demanded that we go riding, or pay calls, or visit one of the many museums in London.
It could not have come at a better time, because after last night’s kiss, and the words I’d longed to give and receive had passed between Alec and me, I felt more wretched than ever. To know such love and passion existed between us and not be able to bask in the glow of God’s greatest gift, was torture.
Gallagher had helped me dress in a simple pink day gown, and I sat on the window seat in my room, looking out at the back side of Buckingham Palace. The street was congested with carriages and people. Overhead, the sky was a brilliant blue, and sunshine bathed the city in a golden hue.
If things had been different, and my parents had been able to marry, it was strange to think I might have grown up in London. This place that seemed so foreign would feel like home and I wouldn’t be thinking about New York as much. Moreimportantly, I would probably never have met Alec, and this gaping hole inside me would not exist.
Tears fell down my cheeks, and I had to wipe them away again. Would I ever stop crying?
Gallagher had come in with a lunch tray when I had not gone down to eat, and with it, she had brought a white envelope with the duke’s seal. He had scheduled a ball for Thursday evening, just six days away. Six days until I would be bound to him, his family, and his history, forever. Because once an engagement was agreed upon, there was no way to break it without a scandal and, perhaps, a lawsuit.
I had put the envelope inside the desk, not wanting to see it and be reminded of all I was about to lose.
With a sigh, I moved away from the window and paced, restlessly, across the room. Somewhere in the house, Alec was probably just as miserable. Part of me wanted to find him, to enjoy each stolen moment while we could, before I was engaged. But the other part knew it was foolish and disingenuous to the duke. I owed it to him and our future attempt at happiness to stay away from Alec.
