More than anything, she wanted to run into his embrace. But that was no longer an option. She was now promised to another man. No matter how much she longed for Arran, she had made her choice and would have to live with it.
“I was hoping you’d be alone.” Arran closed the door behind him and set his musket against the wall.
He had hoped she’d be alone? For what purpose? Her heart beat even harder at his words.
Standing near the door, he studied her as if trying to memorize her appearance. Fatigue lined his mouth, and his eyes were bloodshot from lack of sleep. It had been three days since he’d slept in the governor’s house. He must be exhausted.
“Sit,” she said, walking over to a chair and pulling it away from the table.
His movements were unhurried and deliberate, as if it was a great burden to perform such a simple task as walking across the room.
“You should be abed,” she told him. “You haven’t slept in days.”
“There has been much to do.” He took the seat she held for him.
She crossed her arms and walked around the chair to stand before him. “You’ll be no good to the fort if you do not sleep.”
“The others are meeting in the main hall. I came back early to get a few hours of sleep while I still can.” He watched her closely, the look in his eyes deep and hard to read. “I need to speak to you before I retire.”
She hugged herself but could not take a seat at the table with him. Her legs were too restless.
“I’m sorry, lass.” He shook his head, pain pulling his eyebrows together. “I shouldna let you stay in the fort as long as you have. You should be on your way downriver to Lake Winnipeg by now.”
“There was nothing you could have done—”
“I could have sent you with a guide.”
“With Semple’s plans to leave, there was no reason to send us with a guide.” She wanted to reassure him but didn’t know how. “This is God’s will, Arran.”
He shook his head again. “I canna accept that. God gives us choices.”
“Yes, but the events that have transpired are not of your making. You made the right choices, at the right times. None of this is your fault.”
He clasped his hands on his lap and bent his head. His dark hair was curly and wild, and so tempting. She could still feel the strands between her fingers from the night they had kissed.
“I was foolish enough to think God had given me a second chance,” he said, quietly, almost to himself.
“A second chance at what?”
“At saving someone I love.”
She closed her eyes briefly, the pain of hearing him declare his love a bittersweet reminder of what had brought them to this moment in time. “You did everything you could. We must leave the rest up to God. We do not know what He plans.”
“I’ve not always been keen on His plans.”
Eleanor could no longer stand on her shaking legs. She took the seat beside him. “Please,” she begged. “Don’t add this burden to all your others. I need you to be clear-headed and rested when the real battle begins.”
He finally lifted his head. “How will I be clear-headed when I ken you and Miriam are at risk? It is the thing I’ve feared from the moment of your arrival.”
“Perhaps it will make you fight all the harder.”
“Aye.” He attempted a smile for her. “Mayhap it will. But, whatever happens, I want you to promise me that you and Miriam will return to England with West the moment it’s safe to do so.”
Eleanor nodded, finding it hard to voice her thoughts.
“Even if you dinna have time to say goodbye to me.”
“It’s the reason I agreed to marry him.”
