She touched my cheek and then ran her hand down my hair. “How was it?”
“The king and queen came.”
A sad smile tilted up her lips. “I’m so happy for you. I wish I could have been there.”
“Any news of Papa?” I asked, almost afraid.
She shook her head and looked back at the fire for a moment. “Colonel Lindbergh called again today, but he had no news to share. They have ramped up their efforts to find Luc, but there is still no communication from whoever took him.”
“It doesn’t make any sense.” I nibbled my bottom lip, trying to think of some reason that someone would want to hold Papa captive.
“Colonel Lindbergh suggests that we head back to Washington, DC,” Mama said, “now that your work here is done. He offered to personally escort Papa home as soon as they find him.”
“Do you want to leave?” I asked her.
“No.” She pressed her lips together and shook her head. “I mean, yes, I long to return home with all my heart. But when your father is ready to come home, I don’t want to be an ocean away from him. I want to see him the second I am able. If we go back to Washington, it will be several days at sea for us and then for him. I don’t want to spend even one day longer apart than necessary.”
My heart broke even more as I listened to her, because I understood the longing she felt to be near the man she loved. The tears I’d been holding back all day came to the surface and fell down my cheeks. I wiped them away, frustrated at how much I had cried the past few weeks.
“I’m so sorry, Kathryn,” Mama said as she gave her full attention to me. “In all the chaos of the past two days, I’ve completely forgotten about what you’re facing in 1888 tomorrow.”
“When I come back here tomorrow, that will be it,” I said, feeling the finality of it. “I won’t return to 1888 ever again.”
“I know it’s hard to imagine, but I do understand.” She ran the back of her fingers over my cheek to wipe away another tear. “It gets easier, my love. I promise.”
“But you had Papa.” I swallowed my pain as I shook my head. “I know you gave up Hope and Isaac, but you didn’t have to give up the man you love.”
“Not yet,” she said as her lips trembled.
“Oh, Mama.” I laid my head on her lap to let the tears fall freely. “Papa will come home.”
“I know.” She lifted my face, and her gaze did not waver as she said, “I have determined to praise God through this storm, Kathryn. To trust Him, even if the darkness overwhelms me. I am not alone, and neither is your father. Wherever he is, God is with him, and that comforts me like nothing else.” She placed her hands over mine. “God is not surprised that this happened. He allowed it for a reason, and it’s our job to trust that He will use it for our good and His glory. Even if things don’t turn out how we hope—” She paused to take a deep breath. “God is good, and His plans are far better than ours.”
“What if I don’t like His plans?” I whispered, my heart crying out for understanding. “What if it feels unfair or doesn’t make sense?”
Peace filled Mama’s face as she looked down at me. “Ever since you were little, you’ve fought for your way. I remember when you were just four, and we were on an afternoon drive. You begged Papa to go as fast as he could, and he humored you on empty roads, but then he had to stop the automobile because there were larger vehicles passing at a crossroad. You became so frustrated that you cried and begged him to keep going. If he’d given in to your demands, we could have been killed. He understood the danger, even if you didn’t. I know it’s a simple illustration, but it’s no different with God. He can see things that are beyond our comprehension, and when He says no, or wait, He is protecting us.”
I remembered those drives with Papa, and all the other times I’d felt that my parents weren’t allowing me the freedom I desired. And now I felt that way toward God.
Yet, Mama was right. I didn’t have full understanding, only God did.
“I think that’s why the Bible tells us to trust God and lean not on our own understanding,” Mama said with her gentle voice. “Only then will we have real peace.”
“Do you have peace about Papa?” I asked her.
“On the surface, I’m anxious and afraid, but in my heart of hearts, there is a peace that doesn’t make sense. And I know that’s the peace that comes from trusting God.”
I pulled myself off the floor and took a seat on the chair next to Mama, ready to talk about something else. “I wish you knew Austen. When Papa comes home, we’ll go to the London Museum to tour my exhibit and then you can both see Austen’s paintings.”
“I can’t wait for that day.”
“Sir Rothschild said that the portrait that Austen painted of me is one of the reasons why he was first intrigued by Austen’s work.”
“Isn’t it interesting how God pulls all the pieces of our lives together?” Mama asked. “Nothing happens by accident, Kathryn. It’s all part of a master plan.” She smiled. “You, of all people, can appreciate a plan like that.”
I nodded and smiled.
The plan God had put in place for my life wasn’t the one I would have chosen for myself, but I would trust Him through the darkest hours and pray that the rays of dawn would bring hope back into my life.
