I blinked and frowned. “What? You knew?”
“Isuspected,” Mama corrected. “At least on his part, based on what you’ve told me. It was your feelings for him that I wasn’t sure about. You’ve always spoken of him as more of a brother, but I noticed a shift in the past year, the longer he stayed away.”
I leaned back in my chair and crossed my arms, trying not to cry. “He was so upset when he left the other night—and now I don’t know where he is or if he’ll come back.”
“He’ll be back,” Papa said. “C’est l’amour. It’s love, Kathryn.”
“But he knows we can’t be together.”
“Why not?” Mama asked.
I stared at her, frowning. “What do you mean?”
“Why can’t you be together?”
“Because.” I was at a loss for words. “Because I’m staying here.”
“Plans can change.”
Frustration and sadness and anger bubbled up inside of me. “I fought hard to get my job at the Smithsonian, and I love my work there. My life in 1888 is full of restrictions and expectations and—and—” I was at a loss, because suddenly all the reasons for choosing 1938 seemed to pale in comparison to the love I felt for Austen. I could still follow my passion for history in 1888, and I had my teaching at Toynbee Hall. It wasn’t the same as the prestige I felt at the Smithsonian, but what was the praise of several men compared to the true love of one?
Mama took my hand. “We might make plans, but God is the one who determines our steps. His plans are far better than ours.”
“You’ve always liked to make plans, so your mind was made up,” Papa said. “Sometimes, plans need to be flexible to see what God wants for us.”
He was right. I hated indecision and uncertainty. Sometimes I made decisions and plans far too soon simply because I didn’t like not knowing. Even if I later regretted my choices, I stuck to them with stubborn determination.
But this was different—except that it wasn’t. “I’m planning to save Mary, if need be, so none of this matters. I will have to forfeit 1888.”
“What if the Mary Jane Kelly you’re looking for isn’t your sister?” Papa asked. “What then? Will you still give up 1888 and Austen?”
Sweat began to form down the crevice of my back as my pulse increased. Uncertainty made me feel panicked. I wanted to get up and pace away from the table, but I forced myself to stay seated. Every choice I made, in both of my lives, was because I knew I was staying in 1938. If I changed my plans now, I would have to rethink everything.
“You have time,” Papa said as he put his hand on my arm. “Pray about it, Kathryn. Ask God what He wants you to do. And talk to Austen. Tell him how you feel.”
“I don’t think he’ll ever talk to me again.”
“Don’t be so dramatic,” Mama said. “He’ll want to talk to you. But you need to be ready to open your heart to a new possibility.”
“I thought you wanted me to stay here.”
Mama dipped her chin to meet my gaze. “My greatest hope and prayer has always been that you would stay with us forever. Losing my sister in 1692 was one of the most devastating experiences of my life—but I’ve never regretted my choice. I know I’m where I belong, even though it wasn’t what I had planned. Don’t miss out on being in the middle of God’s will just because you’ve set your mind and won’t be open to other possibilities.”
“If you love Austen,” Papa said, “and you want to spend your life with him, then don’t be afraid to choose 1888. But it’s okay to choose 1938 and all the things you love here, too. Either way, Mama and I will understand. Don’t let worries about us affect your choice.”
Setting my mind had made so many things easier.
“This conversation might be pointless if the last Ripper victim is my sister,” I said. “If it’s Mary, then I’m sacrificing everything to save her. I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t.”
“You have time,” Mama echoed Papa. “Mary Jane Kelly won’t die for almost two more months. There’s no need to rush toward a decision.”
“I just wish I knew where my sister was,” I said, trying not to let tears of frustration fill my eyes. “I can’t take my parents’ carriage to Miller’s Court alone, and it wouldn’t be wise to take a hired carriage there, either.”
“Then use the time until Austen returns to do more investigating,” Papa advised. “Find out if the Freemasons were involved, like you suspect. There are other things you can do outside of Whitechapel.”
I nodded. “Perhaps then I can learn the Ripper’s identity.”
“Why? What would that accomplish?” Mama asked. “You can’t reveal his name.”
