All I could do was stare at him, wondering how he would handle the emotions sure to be cascading through him.
When he finally faced me again, he didn’t move closer but stayed several feet away. “I can’t do this, Maggie.”
“Do what?”
“I can’t be in love with someone I might lose.”
“Why—”
My question ended abruptly as he strode away and disappeared around the corner of the ship.
I stood there for several seconds, my mouth open, as I stared at the empty place where he had just stood. In a matter of minutes, he’d kissed me with more passion than I’d ever experienced, then told me he couldn’t be in love with me.
Anna appeared, her face wild with worry. “What happened? I saw you and Dr. Philips come this way, and then a few minutes later, he strode past Timothy and me in the opposite direction, looking like he was about to kill someone.”
She was alone, which meant she’d probably left Dr. Church to find me.
I was heartsore and tired, so I went into her arms and allowed her to hug me. It was strange, after all these years, that Anna was the one comforting me. For the first time in a long time, as I told her what had happened, I needed her to be strong.
And she was.
26
OCTOBER 20, 1861
WASHINGTON, DC
The next morning, when I woke up in 1861, all I could think about was Zechariah and his kiss. After I went back to the ballroom, I had continued to dance, but Zechariah had not returned. His strange behavior after our kiss troubled me throughout the night, and I had finally fallen asleep sometime after midnight. What would happen tomorrow when we had to work together? Would he pretend like nothing had happened? Would he explain himself?
Saphira entered my room, and I pushed aside the covers—realizing, with a start, that it was the first time I had woken up in 1861 and not been jolted by surprise that it wasn’t 2001. Did that mean I was getting used to my new normal?
I thought about this as Saphira helped me dress in a simple outfit, since I was going to work at Judiciary Square Hospital, one of the newest military hospitals commissioned by the government. It was housed in the old schoolhouse near Judiciary Square and was just as unsuitable as all the others. I had been trying to suggest ways to better meet the needs of the soldiersand the staff, but my recommendations were falling on deaf, nineteenth-century ears.
Today I chose to wear a white blouse with a black skirt over several layers of petticoats. It had served as my unofficial uniform since I’d become a military nurse, and though it wasn’t as serviceable as a pair of scrubs, it worked well.
After my hair was secured in a snood, I went downstairs for breakfast and was surprised to find Papa at the dining room table.
He stood when I arrived. “Good morning, Margaret.”
“Good morning, Papa.” I received his kiss on my cheek and then took the seat to his right. “I didn’t know you’d be home today.”
He’d been training with his men in Arlington, going on missions along the Potomac, and sleeping in a field tent, only coming home sporadically this past month. He wore his uniform at all times, and though it was hard to get used to seeing him dressed in the dark blue wool coat, with its gold buttons and the shoulder boards with gold eagles, he looked handsome and important.
He smiled as he lifted his coffee and took a sip. “I am only here for a few hours, I’m afraid. I’ve had orders to take my brigade north to do a little reconnaissance work in Loudoun County. We will leave this afternoon, and I will be gone for a few days.”
I nodded, thankful that he kept me abreast of his whereabouts.
Joseph entered the dining room with an envelope on a tray. He stopped by my chair and lowered the tray for me. “A letter came for you this morning, Miss Margaret.”
“Thank you, Joseph.” I took the envelope and immediately recognized the handwriting.
Papa watched me as he took a bite of his toast. “Mr. Cooper?”
I couldn’t hide my smile. He had called on me several times over the past month. Since Papa was gone so much, Saphira usually sat in the room as a chaperone, or Gray escorted me to dinner parties and soirees.
“Yes. It’s from Mr. Cooper.” I opened the envelope and pulled out the card, reading it to myself.
I have tickets to see a play at Ford’s Athenaeum tonight. Might I escort you to the theater? —Gray
