I lay with Seth at my side and looked at the vast heavens, feeling very small and insignificant. When I was younger, my gift had always made me feel like I was unique and special to God. But as I grew older, I realized that everyone had a unique and special purpose on earth. It provided a strange sort of comfort. Maybe I wasn’t so different after all.
A sigh escaped my lips. Seth turned and propped his head up on his palm, looking down at me. He was close—so very close—and the way he looked at me sent an exciting shiver up my spine.
“What are you thinking about?” he asked, his voice so low I almost didn’t hear him.
“How utterly insignificant I am in the scope of things.”
Slowly, he placed a hand against my cheek. “You’re not insignificant to me.”
I held my breath, uncertain if I should push him off again, or if I should let him continue and see what happened.
He ran his thumb over the contour of my cheek, his eyes following the movement lower and lower, until his thumb grazed the corner of my lips. He paused, and his gaze came up to meet mine, as if waiting to see what I would do.
My heart wanted him to continue, to see what it would feel like. Yet my mind told me to put a stop to whatever this was. But I couldn’t make my voice work.
Slowly, he ran his thumb over my top lip and then my bottom—and when he let his thumb fall away, he lowered his lips to hover over mine. For a split second he paused, and then he kissed me.
At first, his lips were firm against mine, a foreign sensation that made my pulse skip a beat. I’d never been kissed before—not like this.
When I didn’t pull away, he deepened the kiss, and my handscame up to touch the sides of his face. I kissed him back, though I became more and more aware of what we were doing, of the fact that there was no going back from a kiss. I couldn’t say we were simply friends anymore, but what were we?
His touch should have felt amazing. My senses should have been heightened, and I should have been lost in the moment, oblivious to everything around us.
But I wasn’t. I was completely aware of the dog barking to our right, the church bell ringing in the distance, the smell of the river floating on the cool air. And the more fervent he became, the more aware I became that this wasn’t as magical as I had imagined. Kissing him wasn’t what I thought it would be.
I pressed my hands against his chest, putting enough pressure there to let him know I didn’t want to continue.
He was breathless and dazed as he pulled back, and a slow smile tilted his lips. “That was everything I hoped it would be, Meg.”
I wanted to say the same, but it wasn’t true. Instead of feeling dazed and breathless, I felt disappointed. It wasn’t horrible—just not enchanting.
His smile faltered, and I think he misread my response.
“I’m sorry—I don’t know why I did that. You made me promise, and I broke my promise.” He scoffed as he sat up. “A politician through and through.”
I also sat up, not wanting him to beat himself up. “I could have stopped you, but I didn’t.”
“You’re right.” He turned back to me, his gaze hopeful. “You didn’t stop me.” He reached for me again, but I put up my hand to stop him this time.
“I don’t think it’s a good idea, Seth.” I shook my head. “I’m not ready.”
He frowned. “Why not? It can’t just be your work. I don’t get it. Am I not good enough for you?”
“What?” It was my turn to frown. “You’re wonderful. It has nothing to do with you.”
“Of course it does—how could it not?”
I put my hand on Seth’s shoulder, not wanting to make a bigger deal of this than necessary. “It’s truly me, Seth. I have so much riding on the next five months of my life. When I fall in love, I want no regrets and nothing standing in my way. If I let my heart go now, I’m afraid it would be divided, and that wouldn’t be fair to you.”
He thought I was talking about my work, but I was really talking about the broader aspects of my three lives. I didn’t want to divide my heart right now—though it was happening anyway.
Pulling my legs up, I pressed my forehead against my knees. “I’m so confused.”
He put his hand on my back. “I’m sorry, Meg. You’ve been clear with me from the beginning. I should apologize.”
I looked up and tried to smile, but a movement near the bike path caught my attention. A man leaned out from behind a tree, focusing a camera on us.
“Who is that?” I asked, pointing.
