For a long time, I stood, looking across the valley, watching the rising smoke from the battlefield, thinking of the countless men lying in the heat, suffering. My fingers itched to tend to their wounds and relieve their pain. But I had no way to reach them.
“You have that same look about you,” Gray said as he joined me.
There was no one within hearing distance, so I turned to him. “What look?”
“The same one you had when we were crossing the Long Bridge into Arlington.” He crossed his arms as he studied me. “While everyone else appears hopeful and optimistic, you look melancholy and defeated.” His voice was very serious. “Do you harbor Southern sympathies, Maggie?”
I snapped my head up to meet his gaze, almost insulted at his accusation. “Of course not.”
“Then why this melancholy? From all reports, we will win this day. Why aren’t you as excited as everyone else?”
Looking out at the smoke again, I wrapped my arms around my waist. “Perhaps we’ll win,” I said slowly, “but at what cost? There are men on the battlefield literally dying at this very moment—and here we sit, picnicking and gossiping, upset that we cannot see them suffer. Am I truly the only one troubled by that?”
He was quiet for a few seconds, but then he nodded. “I’m sorry. I was wrong to question your loyalty. I don’t think anyone is thinking about the possible loss of life today. All they can imagine is a thrilling victory and an end to war.”
Papa approached us. “Senator Wilson and I are going to walk to the Stone Bridge to get a better look. Would you like to join us, Mr. Cooper?”
“Please don’t go, Papa,” I begged him. “It’s not safe.”
“It’s perfectly safe.” Papa smiled, as if that would reassure me. “Captain Tidball said the fighting is still several miles awayand the Confederates are running toward Richmond. If we want to see action, we need to go now or we’ll miss it.”
“If you’re going,” I told him, “then I’m going.”
“Don’t be ridiculous, Margaret. The battlefield is no place for a woman.”
“It’s perfectly safe. You just told me so.” I didn’t usually question or contradict Papa, so he looked a bit surprised.
“Fine,” he said. “But we’ll be walking over the field.”
“I don’t mind.” I went to the carriage and found the small bag of medical supplies I had tucked into the basket.
The tide would turn soon, and there would be a need for medical help—though when and where, I didn’t know.
Within an hour, we arrived at a ridge overlooking Stone Bridge, which crossed Bull Run near the Warrenton Turnpike. About fifty other civilians had already arrived there, though I was the only female in sight. From our vantage point, we could finally see soldiers—but they were not Union men.
No sooner had we arrived than a line of Confederate soldiers appeared from a wooded area about a hundred yards away. Out of nowhere, a bullet grazed the dirt near Papa’s foot.
“What the devil?” Senator Wilson asked, his voice panicked as he jumped and scurried backward. “What is this? I thought the Confederates were running back to Richmond.”
Spectators began to shout as more bullets hit the ground near us. Gray grabbed my arm and pulled me to the protection of a large tree, while Papa and Senator Wilson took their own cover.
I stood motionless, my breathing shallow as Gray wrapped his arms around me. I was certain my billowing skirts would give us away, but there was nothing I could do about it now. I had put myself here, knowing better.
Gray’s chest rose and fell against mine, and despite thedanger around us, we were both very aware of each other. He looked down at me with an intensity that enveloped me.
“What will we do?” I whispered, trying to focus on the danger and not my attraction to him. “We can’t stay here forever.”
“We’ll wait until the line shifts away from us and then head back to the battery.” His British accent had deepened significantly, and his hold tightened. “You shouldn’t be here, Maggie. I don’t know what I’d do if you were hurt.”
I swallowed the emotions surging through me and tried to still my breathing. “I have medical supplies in my shoulder bag,” I told him, trying in vain to ignore the dip and curve of his body pressed against mine. “If you need anything, look there.”
“You brought medical supplies?” he asked quietly, surprise and humor tinting his brown eyes for a moment.
“I rarely leave home without them.”
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you were a doctor in a former life.”
His words hit far closer to home than he could ever imagine, so I stayed quiet.
