“Anna—I love Gray. He’s—”
“Perfect?” She smiled.
“He’s so much more than that.” I’d already told her how he’d rightly guessed about my time-crossing. “He’s selfless and thoughtful, and he loves me with a sacrificial love that I’ve never understood until now. He believes in my dream to be a doctor, and he admires my work—”
“Maggie, when you know, you know.”
I stopped rambling and stared at her.
“You’ve always known,” she said. “In our innermost parts, we know what we really want. It’s the outside stuff that interferes with our true desires. It’s the people, the responsibilities, the obligations around us that hinder our true self. I know—I’ve been there. It was my grief that hindered what I truly wanted in life. For a long time, I was too afraid to go out into the world and grasp at what I wanted. You were God’s hands and feet, pulling me out of that grief and leading me by the hand until I found it.”
While she had been God’s hands and feet in my life, I hadbeen doing the same in her life. It was a mystery of God’s love that would never cease to amaze me.
She wiped at the tear that fell from her eye. “And now I want you to hold on tight to Gray’s hand and grasp what you want. Reach for it until you have it and then never, ever let it go.”
“You’re not mad at me?”
She pulled me into her arms and held me tight. “How could I be mad at you when you’ve sacrificed so much for me? I love you desperately, baby sister, and have from the moment I met you. But I’ve always known that this day might come, and I tried to prepare for it as best as I could. I’ll miss you—fiercely—but I also know that you won’t truly be gone, because you’ll always be as close as my own heart.” She pulled back and placed her hand over her heart, her diamond ring sparkling in the sunshine from the porthole. “You’re a part of me, Maggie, the best part—just like I’m a part of you. None of us are independent of the ones we love. We’re woven together like a big tapestry, with each color unique and vibrant, but making a larger picture possible. You’re woven right here for eternity.”
Her words echoed Mrs. Lincoln’s. I put my hand over my heart and nodded. “And you’re woven here, alongside everyone that I love. Even if I can’t be with you any longer, you’ll always be a part of me.”
She lowered her hand and gave me a sad smile. “Have you spoken to Dr. Philips?”
I shook my head. “Not yet.”
“It’s not going to be easy, but if he truly loves you, he’ll let you go.”
I thought of Gray, moments before he’d left me at my door, telling me that even if I didn’t choose him, he’d love me for the rest of his life. Would Zechariah be as selfless?
“I don’t know how to make him understand. I can’t tell him the truth.”
“Then make him understand as well as you can and pray that God takes care of the rest. It’s all you can do.”
“What’s taking you so long?” one of the nurses asked as she popped her head back into the dining room. “Helen wants all of us together.”
“Coming.” I lifted my bag back onto my shoulder.
Anna and I left the dining room arm in arm, and I thanked God for the Christmas miracle that had just unfolded. Anna was ready to move on with her life and she’d given me her blessing to move on with mine.
I hoped and prayed Zechariah would do the same, but in my heart of hearts, I knew it wouldn’t be so easy.
I didn’t realize, until that day, that a heart could break and rejoice at the same time. As I watched Anna hand out gifts, her face radiating with joy and hope amid the devastation of war, I knew she would be okay. She had learned a lot about grief and loss after Richard’s death, and though they could crush her again, they wouldn’t destroy her. She was made of harder stuff than I had given her credit for.
Hark! The herald angels sing,
“Glory to the newborn King;
Peace on earth, and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled!”
As we walked from patient to patient, handing out our gifts and singing carols, we received smiles from even the melancholiest patients. Helen’s admonition that we find gifts as fitting as possible was rewarded when she gave a sailor who had lost his vision the gift of a soft teddy bear to hold. Another sailor, who had written to his wife to give their daughter a music boxwith a spinning ballerina on top, was given one almost identical. Santa Claus was also a hit, and we were surprised when Captain Perlman joined in the festivities, singing louder than the rest of us.
Eventually, we came to the ward where Zechariah was recovering. As an officer, he’d been given a bed in the corner, and we’d rigged up a cloth partition so he had a little privacy. It was pulled back as we entered the long ward, and I could see him sitting up in bed. He’d either heard the commotion coming or someone had passed along the news, because he looked happier than he’d been in the two weeks since the attack.
Hail the heav’nly Prince of Peace!
Hail the Sun of Righteousness!
