After he filled his cup of coffee, he turned and paused, apparently surprised to see me sitting there. I met his gaze, knowing that I had questions in my own. I had nothing to explain to him. I hadn’t been the one to kiss him and then storm off.
For several heartbeats, he just stared at me, and then he left the breakroom without his coffee.
My mouth slipped open in surprise, but I would not let him ignore me.
I left my coffee on the table and discovered a newfound surge of energy as I exited the breakroom and looked down thehallway to see which way he’d gone. He was walking toward the bow of the ship, which housed the officer’s quarters, no doubt going to his stateroom. I followed, trying to keep my balance as the ship swayed left and then right.
He was almost to his room when I finally caught up to him.
“You’re not going to explain yourself?” I asked.
Zechariah didn’t turn, but he paused, his hand on the doorknob of his stateroom. No one else was in the hall, and the wind and rain drowned out our words, offering a semblance of privacy.
He finally turned to face me.
“Were you going to ignore me?” I asked, a little hurt. “After last night?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Nurse Hollingsworth.”
“Nurse Holling—?” I frowned. “You can’t kiss me and then pretend like it never happened.”
He tore off his white surgical cap, clutching it in his hand. His hair was disheveled and wild. His gaze was just as storm-tossed as the Pacific, just as unpredictable. “I should never have kissed you. It was a mistake.”
I stared at him, confused. “A mistake?”
His gaze was hard—impenetrable. “I should not fraternize with a nurse.”
“That’s not why you’re upset, Zechariah.” I crossed my arms, unwilling to let him hide behind his facade any longer. “You’re scared—just like I’m scared—but I have never run away from you. I would never ignore you. Especially after such a powerful kiss.”
A hint of longing flitted through his gaze, softening it for a moment, but then he seemed to steel himself as he lifted his chin. “You have no idea what it feels like to lose someone you love and not be able to protect them.”
“You have no idea what I’ve lost.” My heart squeezed for Mom, Dad, and Delilah. I’d told Gray about them at the WillardHotel, and he had understood. Could I ever tell Zechariah about them? Would he understand or even believe me?
I took a step back, realizing Zechariah couldn’t possibly understand. He wasn’t even searching for the truth. He was so consumed by his own loss, by his own fear, that he hadn’t thought about mine.
Remorse filled his face. “You’re right. I don’t know what you’ve lost, and I’ve never asked. But don’t you understand? I lost everything when I was a boy. After my father died, I was afraid of losing my mother. I prayed to God every night that He would spare her life and keep her safe. I knew her life was in danger, and I was powerless to do anything to save her.”
I swallowed my grief, thinking about his.
“I promised myself that I would never allow myself to love again,” he continued, coming closer to me, anguish giving way to the strongest emotions I’d ever seen in his gaze. “The pain of loss is so intense, Maggie. I don’t think I could survive it again.” He reached for me, putting his hands on my arms. “I’m so in love with you that the thought of losing you keeps me awake at night. I can’t live like that again.”
My back was against the wall as I stared at him.
“I’ve tried not to fall in love with you,” he said, “and even admitting it now, I know I am risking everything. But it’s impossible to pretend any longer. God may take you from me, but I cannot deny what my heart wants.”
I was speechless as I stared at him. Every facade was torn away, and he stood there, vulnerable and exposed. I could see it in his eyes—that childlike uncertainty, both hope and fear mingled together.
“Don’t you see?” he asked, moving a little closer. “If I acknowledge that I love you, then I have to acknowledge that losing you would destroy me, and that’s the most terrifying feeling in the world. So when I pulled away last night, it wasn’t because I was angry or because the kiss didn’t matter to me. Itwas because I knew the truth.” He shook his head. “Nothing scares me, Maggie, except the fear of losing someone I love again—of losing you.”
“I do see,” I told him, my own emotions shaking my voice. “I’m just as afraid and uncertain as you. But it doesn’t give me the right to turn my back on you.”
“I’m sorry,” he said, quietly, almost reverently, and I wondered when he had last said those words. “You’re right. You should not be punished for my own shortcomings. It’s been so long since I’ve opened my heart to anyone that I’ve almost forgotten how it’s done. I’ve spent a lifetime turning people away without thought or feeling. I didn’t even think as I turned my back on you last night.”
The corridor was dim, and it felt smaller as Zechariah stood in front of me. Part of me wanted to promise that he had nothing to fear, that I wasn’t going anywhere. But the other part of me knew he had every right to be afraid. Not only because of my decision, but because of the looming war. I was afraid too. I had no guarantee that we would survive WWII.
“I forgive you,” I finally said.
A noise down the hall made both of us look up. One of the lieutenants paused as he saw us. Zechariah straightened and took a step away from me so his back was against the other wall. The lieutenant passed between us, neither looking left or right, and disappeared into one of the staterooms.
