The room feels bizarrely empty without him in it.
After he’s gone, I stay there, sitting up in my bed and staring. I stare until my sweat cools and turns sticky. I stare until Stark’s presence fades and Killian’s returns, creeping closer along the edge of my bed and pooling in the shadows at the corners of my room.
I rub my arm and lie back down, but I refuse to let myself fall asleep again.
I never want to find myself trapped in that strange space with Killian again, vulnerable to his taunts and unable to escape.
Never.
The rest of the night passes fitfully. Every time the drowsiness starts to drag me down, I startle myself awake. Eventually, I decide that my bed is problematic—too tempting—and I get out of it entirely.
Then I dress myself in my leathers and pace. Sit down at the desk, study some maps. Stare out the window, waiting for the sunrise.
I’m still staring out the window when Anassa approaches the large glass doors, so I let her in. I’ve already filled her in this morning on what happened with Killian, the bizarre dream that wasn’t.
Now she takes one look at me and butts her nose pointedly into my side.
“Ouch.” I swat her away. “No assaulting me before breakfast.”
“I sense your emotions. Do not let fear subsume your anger. Remember your rage, your desire to destroy him. Complacency is how evil wins.”
I nod, knowing she’s right. Still, the lack of sleep and the lingering vision of Killian have both wormed their way under my skin.
“He said something that I can’t stop thinking about—that I can’t be a queen without him and that I’ll never be able to lead a country. And logically I know he was trying to make me self-conscious and weak, and that I shouldn’t let him get to me.”
I look up into her golden eyes, the words pouring out of me now.
“But isn’t he right, at least a bit? I haven’t trained for this. I don’t know how to oversee an entire nation. My only real qualification is that an ancestor of mine from five hundred years ago was the queen. I’ve always resented the upper classes for having everything handed to them by virtue of their bloodline, and here I am, doing the exact same thing.”
Anassa nuzzles her head closer to me, gently this time. I reach out, finding comfort in her fur.
“Yes,” she tells me bluntly.“It is hypocritical.”
I laugh.
“However, you cannot deny the magic that now thrums through your veins,” she continues.“Who should lead the country instead? Killian, who is entirely unfit? One of the nobles, who have been complicit in the royal family’s misdeeds? You can earn your crown by learning how to deserve it. Shut him out, and focus on becoming a good leader.”
“Okay,” I tell her. “I can do that. And can you please not tell Cratos about this? I am not ready for others to know about this mental connection that Killian and I appear to have. It’s too… fresh.”
“Fine,” Anassa says.“I will not share this information for now. But—”She cuts herself off and perks up, ears turning as if she can hear something that I cannot.
“What is it?”
“Saela is awake.”
7
MERYN
Who will Saela be now? The feral creature that ripped out Helene’s throat or the girl I know? The girl I’vealwaysknown.
When I arrive at the dungeons, Leader Aldrich is already waiting. His wolf, Daphne, was the one who alerted Anassa. After the scene in the arena yesterday, Aldrich grabbed some of the historical texts he had about Siphons and came back down to the dungeons to observe Saela.
It seems he never left.
“She’s awake,” I say when I reach him. He knows it isn’t a question and doesn’t respond.
I approach her cell carefully. I’m not afraid she’ll hurt me, though maybe I should be. Certainly thesightof her, inhuman and strange, will.
