I’m thrown back into my body then.
My teeth grind, and I have to try very hard to remember how to breathe. After I find a rhythm, I open my eyes. Lucien’s eyes are still closed, his breathing also returning.
I turn to Stark, who has dismounted Cratos and is standing with his arms crossed and his jaw tight. Noemi stands behind him, also looking at me with questions in her eyes.
“I saw the goddess,” I say slowly. “And what I think was the creation of Linsfall and of this Tear. I can’t tell if it came before the things that happened at the Tower, though, or after.”
I pause and think back over what I’ve seen, whether there’s anything new we can learn from this vision.
Lucien is alert again now, too, pacing back and forth with his brows furrowed.
“Lucien, did you pick up on anything that might help us?”
He glances up. “Architecture in Nocturna was always uglier than that in Astreona?”
I sigh. “Okay, but how about anything about the power of the Tears, or how we defeat Killian?”
Lucien shakes his head. “I’m not sure what we know now, to be honest. The goddess created a city and some people… and then left? What does that mean for the Tears? And why could those people touch the gem, but not the Mother Priestess?” Stark and I shared the story of what happened to her hands during our journey.
I sink down to the ground, leaning my back against a tree stump. “Okay, well, unfortunately the great and all-knowing Siphon king didn’t pick up any more intel than I did on that little vision journey.”
“Where does that leave us?” Noemi’s voice is quiet but firm. “Even if we don’t entirely understand them, we do know these Tears bestow great power on you and on Killian. He’s been able to win the entire country to his side. Will the power of the new ones we’ve found be enough for you and Lucien to fight him?”
We’ve had this conversation before, multiple times while we’ve been on theroad. Ultimately, we continued to hope that collecting more Tears would not just give us more power but also help us understand Killian’s own Tear and how to turn it against him.
I hesitate. If it weren’t for the damn engagement bracelet, it would be easier to tell Noemi that yes, with the Tears of creation and destruction, I could take on anyone or anything.
But will Killian be able to access their power through me? What if he can turn it right back around to destroy us?
I was counting on having Lucien by my side for this battle, another strong magic wielder with Tears amplifying his abilities. And most important, one who isnotcompromised by an unbreakable link to our enemy.
With Venna about to need constant care, though, I don’t see how we can all continue forward.
And without Lucien and his two Tears…
“I think we have enough firepower now,” I say finally, trying to sound confident. “And we stopped him from getting his hands on the destruction Tear. But Killian can turn his entire army on us, including even people who were formerly our supporters. I don’t want to kill all of Nocturna just to save it.”
I rub my neck, wincing at the pain throughout my body after the night we’ve had.
“At the same time, I don’t see that we can put things off any further. Killian could go after our final allies in Blumenfall at any time. Plus, we don’t really have a better plan beyond just, get the Tears and hope that’s enough…”
My mind turns to dark despair. I can’t abandon the rest of my people to Killian’s rule. But does it do us any good for me to blindly throw myself at our enemy, not knowing how many we’ll be up against?
“Then we need a better plan,” Stark says simply. His eyes haven’t left me. His faith that I can solve this kindles something in my chest. I sit up a little straighter.
“You’re right. What do we have that can help us? What are his weaknesses?”
We all quiet, thinking about that.
“His thirst for power?” Noemi suggests.
She’s not wrong. If Killian had wanted to, he could have found a way to get around his family’s sick legacy, to avoid becoming Alistair’s vessel. He didn’t. He accepted it, because he wanted the power it would bring him. It’s his second greatest weakness. And…
And I think I know the first.
It’s clear to me now. There is a way forward. There is a way to seize my peace again. There’s a way to turn this cursed connection between us, this agony thathauntsme, into a weapon I can turn on him.
It hurts, yes. It’s going to hurt. But women in pain give men confidence.
