I flinch and press my hand over my chest. The wound has healed completely, but there’s still a tear in my shirt and my entire front is bloodstained and damp.
“I…” I start, but I don’t know what to say. I did what I had to do. It was what the chamber required, and judging by our surroundings, it was the right thing.
“It worked, though?” My voice falls flat.
“No, you…” Venna shakes her head. Her voice breaks and becomes pained. Vulnerable. “We all thought you were dead.” She wipes at a tear before it can fall. “Dead.Again.I can’t… N-not…”
Izabel. She’s thinking about Izabel. Of course, she is. She just watched me die. I mean, Ididn’tdie. Or at least, not for long?
But that doesn’t make her grief any less of a maelstrom. She’s caught up in it, and it’s my fault. I brought it back, fresh as the first hour of Izabel’s death.
I can see it written all over her face.
“I’m sorry,” I manage, even though I’d do it again.
I would. To save their lives. To destroy Killian.
Anassa slowly stands and shakes herself. She pads over to where I’m still sitting in my blood. Her muzzle nudges closer, and I reach up to hold her. Her huge white paws are staining red with all the gore that spilled out of me.
Did she die, too? Did she see what I did?
I’ll ask her later, when… once this is over.
I bury my face in Anassa’s fur and find solace in the familiar warmth and scent. Her touch reassures me. It reminds me of the convictions that drove my actions.
Her actions, too. She was with me until the end. Ready to die for me, for our friends.
“Help me,” I tell her, the words laced with layered meaning.
She nudges her nose under my arm and anchors me as I push myself shakily to my feet. My toes are still a little numb, but I can stand if I lean on her. Stark takes a half step forward as if to help and then stops, staring down at my blood.
I take a deep breath and speak. “I know you think I was being reckless or selfish. But I just knew this was the only way. For Strategos, it was asking me to demonstrate my ability to act like a leader and sacrifice for others when necessary. Otherwise, we would have all perished.”
Stark looks up abruptly. “You couldn’t have talked to us? Let us work through it together?Damn it, Meryn!”
“I should have let you asphyxiate, breathing ingaswhile I explained?” I snap, defensive.
Cratos rumbles, and Anassa shows him her teeth.
“Stark,” I say, trying to calm myself. And I look directly into his eyes. “If Ihadtaken that moment to discuss, if we’d all talked it out. Would you ever have let me drive a dagger into myself?”
He shuts his eyes, jaw tight.
I look at the others. “Would any of you?”
The answer hangs unspoken between us. Of course they wouldn’t have.
I did what I had to do.
“Just…” I sigh. “Tell me how we got here? What happened?”
They’re all silent for a long moment, then Noemi finally speaks. “When you fell, it was like we fell with you. It was strange… like we were… falling up. And when I hit the ground, we were in this room. We were here, and you were bleeding—”
Her voice cuts out abruptly.
I rub at my healed chest. “Let’s look around. Find the Tear. Get this done, and get out of here,” I say, stepping forward.
I’m eager to leave this behind. The emotion in this room is stifling, and Idon’t blame them for it. I’d probably feel the same in their position. But it’s making me sick.
