These kinds of words sound so right coming out of Stark’s mouth, when I know we’re in an equitable power exchange. When I’m a willing participant in the dynamic.
Killian just wants me to lack any agency or choice—in all parts of my life.
Unable to say anything, I just nod.
He better hurry the fuck up. The shadows are starting to stir at the edges of this realm, and I’m not sure how much longer I can pretend.
“Stay put where you are, as awful as it may be. Try to convince Lucien that you’re on his side, and when the time is right and I’ve found more Tears, I’llsummon you. I’m not yet sure how many more remain. You’ll need to bring his crown and necklace, of course.”
“Of course,” I mumble. Then, inspiration striking, I lift my wrist and the engagement bracelet on it. “And this? Lucien’s told me about these. Thrall bracelets. Are you… amI… a thrall? Are you able to compel me?”
Killian takes a sharp breath. “No, Meryn. No, of course not. I want you to have autonomy. Iwantyou to choose me. After I found out about the thrall bracelets, I worked closely with Alistair to develop a new one for you to target your powers, not your mind.”
The way his brain works is appalling, plain and simple.
Wanted me to have autonomy. Does he seriously fucking believe himself?
The scary thing is, I think he does.
“Why?” I ask, a bit of my edge creeping into my tone. “Why use a thrall bracelet at all?”
“So we could be equals, kitten.” His voice is a slow purr as he steps even closer, his chest to mine. My body tingles with thewrongnessof it. “How could we be together if we didn’t share your power?”
And once again, I’m thinking of Stark. Who I have to beg to use my power. Who helps me use the darkness inside me instead of yanking it away for himself. Who nevertakesfrom me.
My true equal in every way.
Killian leans his head toward me, finally coming in for that horrible kiss I’ve been dreading, but I take a step back.
“Stark’s coming now. I can feel it,” I lie. “Hopefully, I can come back here soon.”
Then I let go of all the anger and pain this conversation has provoked inside me. The shadows start to swirl violently. The dark tendrils are almost alive, stroking against my face, my neck, curling like fingers. I shudder and shut my eyes.
There’s no immediate escape, though. It’s never easy to get out of here. It’s like I’m drowning in the shadows, being consumed by them.
Raising my hands, I steel my mind, giving a forcefulpush.
Please,pleaselet me out of this place.
Something in the darkness seems to hear my pleas, because I’m whipped into a vortex and then there’s silence.
I open my eyes with a gasp.
Hours have apparently passed; it’s morning, light coming in through the high arched windows and painting the room in a jarring gold. Stark sees me awaken and runs to my side.
“Are you okay?” he asks. “What happened?”
“He has the fifth Goddess Tear, the one the Mother Priestess wore,” I tell Stark, my voice shaking. “And he’s looking for others. There are more of them.”
42
MERYN
Stark and I dress quickly and then wake the others. Within thirty minutes, Saela, Venna, and Noemi are gathered with us in the common space of our suite. My father heard the commotion and came to join us. I didn’t quite have the heart to tell him to go the fuck away.
I’m still shaky from the intensity of my encounter with Killian and work to steady myself. The room is garishly unlike anything back home, full of color and tilework and sumptuous fabrics, but the familiar faces of my closest companions help to ground me.
“I know I haven’t shared these details with all of you, but I’ve been able to contact Killian through my dreams.” I fill them in as quickly as I can, answering their questions before summarizing what I learned last night.
