“Where are you going?” Izabel shouts after me.
“Bed,” I say, not bothering to turn back around.
I cannotbelievehow these people act. I know they are inured to death, raised to find it acceptable and to glorify these Trials.
Being comfortable with bloodshed is one thing.
Celebrating it by fucking as many people as you can is another.
I know I need to be here, to fix my bond with Anassa and survive the next four months. I need this, if I’m ever going to find Saela and bring her home.
But goddess-be-damned, I refuse to behave like one of them.
Back in the Strategos anteroom, I spot a figure in a high-backed chair by the fire; I must’ve missed her on my way out. It’s Nevah, the woman who told me about the king earlier tonight.
She’s staring blankly into the fire as the flames throw flickering shadows against her brown skin. She looks ethereal, and deeply sad.
“Not interested in joining the orgy outside?” I quip.
Her gaze drags slowly up to me. She stares at me for a moment, unseeing, and then blinks into focus and tersely shakes her head. “There’s only one person I would want to see out there, and he died on the Ascent.”
She goes back to gazing into the fire, my presence entirely forgotten. How horrible, to have gone into this process with a partner and lost them during the first trial.
My indignation towards the Rawbonds in the lounge starts to soften. How many other people out there lost friends, family members, or loved ones?
Maybe we all just cope in different ways.
I’m still thinking about that as I lay in my bunk, the evening growing late. People have been trickling back into the bunk room for the past several hours, and now it’s grown quiet.
I lost someone during this process, too—Lee. The Bonding Trials have ripped him away from me for good, even though Inow know he was never really mine. I’m not sure if I should be mourning him or grateful that I now know the truth.
Certainty drops into my stomach like a cold stone. I’ll never be able to sleep again unless I talk to him, confront him.
And maybe sucker punch him in his beautiful face. That might helpmecope.
At nearly midnight,I slip out of bed, putting my fighting skills to use as I creep out of the Rawbond quarters, unheard and unseen. The corridor outside is dim, the air still. I used to enjoy being awake late at night when everyone else was sleeping. I’ve always found it peaceful.
But the castle isn’t peaceful at all. The quiet is… heavy. And the shadows move strangely, as though alive.
I get lost twice on the way to the east garden, though I passed it on my ill-advised escape attempt earlier. Egith pointed out the entrance to the gardens during our orientation tour.
When I finally find the door and push it open, I forget all about being sneaky.
My gasp echoes in the warm air.
The garden is a sprawling, moonlit wonder—it’s not just a garden, it’s a greenhouse. A glass ceiling arches above me and the whole room is heated. It’s a sumptuous extravagance. Rosebushes line the path and cling to the high stone walls. Everywhere I look I see huge crimson blossoms made velvety black by the moonlight.
Their scent is everywhere, sweet and fresh. I’ve never smelled or seen anything so beautiful.
I wander for a while, almost forgetting why I’m here, then pause to look at the graceful marble figure poised at the center of a huge fountain.
She’s twice the height of a human woman and a hundred times more beautiful. Voluptuous and powerful, her elegantly muscled arms upraised as though in dance.
“Kitten.”
The strong, familiar voice sends my heart surging into my throat. I spin around and there he is, standing a few yards away in the shadow of a vine-choked arbor.
Lee.
