I pat her side and lift my head, not bothering to work through or explain my little epiphany. I reach up weakly to touch the cold iron bars of our cell. It wasn’t long ago that I was desperately clinging to Saela through bars just like these.
What happened to her, after everything?
Is she still down there? Still trapped, just like I am?
I failed her again. And this time, I might die for what I’ve done.
The sounds of boots echoing on stone echo from down the hall, and I tense up. Anassa’s hackles rise over the bond before I even see who’s coming, but it’s enough warning. The cell door creaks open.
Killian enters alone. I can see dark figures in the shadows, though, lurking behind him. He wouldn’t step into a cell with a murderer without protection, I suppose.
Killian is dressed formally, in the same rich blues and shining embroidery. Except now, the wolf-pommel sword rests glinting at his hip, his hand wrapped around the hilt. And something seems… slightlyoffabout him. Maybe it’s the dim dungeon light, but I swear…
He steps forward. As he does, his face passes through one of the sparse beams of light from above. For a single instant, when the light hit his eyes, they looked ghostly, like the bright blue of winter ice. But as they slip back into the shadows, they look normal again.
Almost.Arethey different?
I don’t know. I don’t know anything. What I saw. What I did.
WhatKilliandid.
He shouldn’t be standing here like this, looking concerned and caring. He threw me in here. He?—
“Meryn,” he says softly, and his voice is so gentle. It has me questioning everything all over again. The man standing in front of me can’t possibly be the same one who stared at me in horror in front of an arena of people.
The one who smiled at me with such cold cruelty in his eyes.
He approaches me with cautious steps. “I need you to tell me the truth, kitten.”
“O… kay.”
“Why would you have done such a thing?” he asks, brows twisting in pain. His gaze is searching, flitting over my face for answers.
Answers he should already have.
Frigid shock locks my muscles up. “What are you talking about, Killian? We had aplan!”
Killian’s face pinches with anguish, and he hushes me. Then, he reaches out slowly to cup my cheek, thumb stroking gently. His touch is warm and familiar. Despite my confusion, it calms my thudding heart.
“I’m worried about you,” he whispers, his voice turning slightly raspy with emotion. “I’m… so sorry, Meryn, but I’m truly frightened for you.”
“Wh-Why?” I choke out. “You canhelpme,” I say. It sounds like I’m begging, but I have no choice.
I’ve killed the king, and I need help. I need mybetrothedback, the man I love. I need his support, his understanding. My eyes start to burn.
“No, it…” He winces. “It’s your mind, Mer.”
My breath catches in my lungs. I start to shake my head, but he catches my chin and guides my gaze to his.
“I did my best to ignore the signs. I wanted to believe you were alright. The thought of losing you…” His eyes well slightly. “I saw your mother at her worst. I didn’t want to look into your eyes and no longer see the woman I love looking back. But it was wrong. It was wrong of me to deny what was happening out of fear. I should have helped you.”
“Killian, I’m not?—”
“This has all been too much for you, the Trials. You lost yourmother, Meryn. And you didn’t have your sister to grieve with. You’ve torn yourself apart, looking for her. The stress you’ve been under.” He looks like a man standing over an open grave. “It pushed you over the edge. Something broke. I can see it even now, in your eyes.”
He thinks I’m mad.
He’s looking at me with the same pain, the same pity, the same grief that I saw in the mirror every time Mother went through an episode.
