It’s like I’ve suddenly had a sword shoved in my hand, a blinding light shone in my eyes, and been told to parry the blade coming for my throat.
But Anassa finally grants me a handhold to steady myself.“Let Egith lead for now.”
I take a deep breath and raise my defenses. She’s absolutely right.
“Egith should take command at the front,” I tell them both. “She possesses crucial knowledge of the forces there, understands the strategy, and has earned the pack’s respect.” I meet Egith’s gaze and find her eyes wide, her lips parted in surprise. “I may not understand why I’m Alpha, but I’m not stupid. I don’t know enough yet to lead our forces in battle. Butyoudo.”
Something shifts in Egith’s expression. When the surprise passes, her punishing distress doesn’t return at full force.
After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Siegrid speaks. “A wise choice. You can remain here to finish your training. You will also need to spare time and energy to learn how to lead your pack as Alpha.”
I nod; all that I’m really capable of at this moment. Her subtext is clear—I’m not fit to be in my position, not yet. Well, we’re agreed on that.
Siegrid crosses her powerful arms. “You cannot remain ignorant of battle strategy for long, and you will need to take over responsibilities as soon as possible. Even with Egith’s aid, your pack will be weakened so long as it stands without a proper Alpha.”
I bow just the way Egith did when she arrived. “I understand.”
“Your position, Egith?” Siegrid says.
“Perhaps one of the Strategos gammas might be recalled to take over my role as instructor,” Egith says. “We will need to discuss the current training regimen, however. Revise it for these… setbacks.”
“Agreed,” Siegrid says, then inclines her head only slightly. “You are dismissed.”
I stand there numbly for a moment until I realize she’s addressing both of us. Then I turn on my heel quickly, shaky and weak as Anassa and I follow Egith from the room.
When the doors thud shut behind us, I manage a quiet, “What now?”
Egith looks at me and takes a deep, weary breath. “You must tell the other Rawbonds.”
Right.
On the way back to the Rawbond quarters, I pause in the halls. “Go on without me,” I tell Egith. “Gather everyone in the anteroom, I’ll be there in just a minute.”
Her lips purse—it’s weird for both of us, me giving her orders—but she nods and leaves. Then, I turn to Anassa.
The powerful giant has stilled at my side.
“Congratulations,”I tell her, weary. It’s been so long since she’s had a real conversation with me, and the silence has worn me down. Hopefully this will mark the end of the shut-out.“Is that what I should be saying? Do I congratulate you for being chosen to lead our pack?”
She inclines her head to the side, studying me with those ochre eyes.“It is not just me who was chosen. The other direwolves chose us as a pair. A direwolf’s individual ability is meaningful but even the strongest among us is weak without a paired rider to guide our powers.”
A disbelieving laugh escapes me. Anassa huffs in irritation when she hears it, her lips pulled back from her long fangs.
“You were born to lead, girl. Whether or not you believe that is of no consequence anymore. You must, so you will.”
Well, that’s pretty clear. I still cannot fully fathom that this is happening, but I guess it doesn’t matter if I want to accept this. It’s done.
I’ve been in that position so many times in my life, now. My father’s death. My mother’s illness. My sister’s kidnapping. The absolutely delightful surprise of the Bonding Trials.
I must, so I will.
With that, Anassa turns tail and trots off back toward the wolf terraces.
“Hey,”I mentally shout at her as she goes.“I’m sorry. For shutting you out so thoroughly. It won’t ever happen again.”
“I know,”she calls.
By the time I reach the Strategos common area, I’m resolute. Did I waver and once more consider bolting? Pretending none of this happened? Did I imagine myself a thousand leagues away, holed up in a cabin somewhere with Killian?
