Izabel doesn’t say anything. She settles for a muffled grunt of affirmation. Venna’s fingertips brush against my wrist as I leave them there, a gentle indication of concern and reassurance.
The entire walk to his quarters, I try to figure out how to go about this.
Hey, Killian, I’m maybe probably going to die tomorrow, so…
“I need privacy now,”I tell Anassa. We’ve gotten better at this part. She’s stopped shutting me out in anger and I’ve started communicating when I’m going to alter our connection.
She huffs. She’s still not thrilled that I’m partitioning off part of my mind from her, but she accepts it—for now. I won’t have to worry about her going incommunicado on me during the Purge Trial tomorrow, or actively trying to get me killed.
I can tell that she thinks I’ll get used to her over time, that I’ll stop being so modest. We’ll see about that.
Reaching for the mental barrier, I pull down the wall but leave it porous. Some feelings will reach her. If I’m in danger, she’ll know. But my immediate thoughts and subtler emotions will stay with me.
From inside the tunnel, I push the door open without knocking. Killian is at his desk, reviewing documents.
He’s silhouetted by moonlight streaming through the tall window behind him. It makes his hair look silver-gold. When hehears the door, his head snaps up in surprise. But when he sees me, his muscles relax instantly, and he melts back into his chair.
Killian says nothing as I stride towards his desk. I round it and reach for him. The floorboards creak slightly beneath my feet. The legs of his chair scrape over the rug as he makes room for me.
He welcomes me close wordlessly. I fold myself into his arms, straddling his lap, wedged between his warm body and the edge of his desk.
We watch each other for a long moment. His hand strokes up and down my back. I lean a little closer. His fingers snag on my shirt, and his touch finds its way under the hem on its next pass. I shiver at the slide of skin on skin, and he clearly notices.
Killian’s pupils widen in the moonlight. His lips press together, and his eyes ease from mine and down to my mouth.
“I love you,” I tell him. The words crackle through the silence like ice straining under heavy weight.
No explanation. Nothing else. We don’t need it.
“I know,” he says softly. He pulls me closer until my hips are pressed close, until his heat spread between my legs. “I love you, too. Even if you’d never come back to me, I would have kept on loving you.”
I shut my eyes briefly, tilting forward to press my forehead against his. The smell of pine fills my nose. His breath is on my cheek. His heart beats steady beneath my palm.
This, right now, feels inevitable. I can sense the waiting clash already gathering speed, sinking low.
“I’d tell everyone tomorrow, if you’d let me,” he says seriously, his deep blue eyes locking onto mine.
I stroke my fingers over his cheek and the slight rasp of his evening stubble. “The king doesn’t have some noble bride picked out for you already?”
Killian’s hands close around my thighs. Hard.
“You’re mine,” he growls. “I don’t need anyone’s permission for that other than yours.” His teeth nip at my jaw and heat thrums through me, making my nipples tighten.
I pull back, though. “Seriously,” I say, needing to know where this is going. “What would he say? What would the court think?”
His eyes soften. “He already knows I’m seeing a Rawbond and that it’s serious. He has no objections. I alone choose who I love.”
Killian’s hands slip up to my hips, squeezing almost rhythmically. It’s tricking my body into painfully vivid awareness. I can feel the muscle of his thighs beneath me. I can sense each fingertip digging into my flesh.
My hips rock without my telling them to, seeking friction, and he lets out a low, brief groan before he can master it.
“Kitten,” he murmurs, “give me permission to claim you in front of the whole world, and I will.”
I’m awash in it, swept out to sea. His eyes find mine again, and I’m drowning in blue. The enormity of what he’s offering is overwhelming.
But I can’t deal with it right now. I just need to breathe. I need him to carry me away from here. Death is on the horizon, and it’s a patient hunter.
I don’t say yes. I don’t say no.
