I was happy for her, but it didn’t ease the sting of the babies we had lost.
“I feel like I’m getting a second chance,” she said.
We exchanged information and promises to keep in touch, and, when she left, I turned to hug Julie, my heart thawing toward her. “Thank you,” I said. “That was…” I put my hand to my chest, feeling myself getting choked up again. So rarely in life do we get true resolution, actual closure. Julie had made that happen.
“I never want you to hurt again, Daisy. Anything I can do from here on out to make your life better, I’m going to do. As much as you’ll let me.”
I believed her. And maybe I even forgave her a little. I couldn’t see sleepovers and braiding each other’s hair in our imminent future, but she had shown me today—and with the gifts I had never received—that she had thought of me.
“Want half of an egg salad sandwich?” I asked.
She smiled. “I can’t think of anything better.”
I linked my arm in hers as we walked toward the break room. I reached in my purse and pulled out my keys to show Julie.
“Thanks for this,” I said, smiling.
She put her hand over her mouth, and her eyes filled. “You got it?”
“I got like fifteen gifts from you all at once a few days ago. So you’re covered for my birthday this year.”
Sandy walked in and grabbed a bottle of water. She nodded, and I nodded back. She was a great nurse. One of the best I’d ever worked with. But she and I were different too. I thought about Brian and Abbott and Maisy, and the hundreds of babies and mothers who had passed through my care these past eight years. I would always care forthem, yes. But, if I was really honest with myself, I would break the rule: because I loved them. Each and every one, down to the very tips of my toes, in a way that made my heart ache.
And I had to think that maybe that was a little bit because of the woman beside me. I wanted to love everyone who came into my path in a way that I had never felt loved, and, thinking of Abbott, I knew that I had helped a lot of patients because of that. It didn’t heal what was between Julie and me. It didn’t fix it. But, I had to admit as I pulled my lunch box out of the fridge, as I felt a little bit happy for her company, it was a start.
MASONGrowth
I should be happy. I was getting everything I had ever thought I wanted. My team was having a winning season, the boys had all but forgiven me, and I was Chapel Hill–bound. But, instead of celebrating, I was lying on the end of the dock, two empty beer cans beside me and an open third in my hand, looking up at the sky. Instead of feeling in awe of the natural world around me, I was pretty busy being miserable. I wanted Daisy to be lying here with me. None of this mattered without her.
I heard footsteps on the dock, but I was too despondent to look up. “Man, this is classic Mason. I’ve missed this guy.” My brother, the smart-ass.
“Haha,” I said, not bothering to move.
“You got any more beer?” he asked.
“I could sure use one,” another voice that I recognized as Robbie’s called out. I pointed to the cooler but still didn’t move.
“Parker, I can hardly believe my eyes, but, if you ask me, this is looking like the symptoms of a broken heart,” Robbie said.
“Yup,” Parker chimed in. “We’ve never seen such a thing from this male specimen.”
“I realize this seems dramatic considering what you’re dealing with, Rob,” I said. “But I am slightly drunk, and in peak feeling-sorry-for-myself mode. I am experiencing a level of selfishness that allows me to believe breaking up with my girlfriend is worse than your mother wound situation.”
“Mother wound,” Parker said. “Wow. You can tell he’s a high school teacher.”
I wasn’t a teacher. I was a coach. But whatever. It also occurred to me that Daisy and I had never actually broken up.
“I hear ya,” Robbie said. “Trina has really nursed me back to health on the whole mother situation, so I feel that really deeply in my soul.”
“She has?” Parker asked. “So, like, how are you feeling?”
We didn’t talk about our feelings a lot, so this was kind of awkward all around, but I was proud of us too. Growth.
“I’m sort of pissed that they didn’t tell me, but I also just sat around a whole family dinner—that you were noticeably absent from, I might add, Mason—and it doesn’t feel that different. So I guess, at the moment, I feel resigned to a situation I cannot change.”
I lifted my head just enough so that I wouldn’t choke to death on my beer, took a sip, and lay back down.
“That’s good, man,” I said, my voice sounding weird. “I think they did the wrong thing for the right reason, you know?”
