“Have you talked to Drew?” I asked.
She nodded and bit her lip. “He was really mad. But we’ve made up.”
I wanted to roll my eyes. Because whether Drew and Sarah wereback together was of little consequence to me. “But have you talked about your daughter?”
I had tried to tiptoe around the situation before for purely selfish reasons. I didn’t want Sarah to be reminded that this perfect baby was herdaughter. I wanted her to think of her as a problem that needed to be solved. But now that was all over for me. And I needed to know what she was thinking.
She sighed. “Daisy, I think we both know that Drew and I aren’t cut out to be parents right now. Would I love to see my baby grow up? Sure. But I can’t even begin to visualize what that would look like.”
I thought of Julie then, of my own mother down the road, who had probably had a very similar thought process. It was so immature, so selfish. But, well, I had been seventeen once too. And, while that whole undeveloped-prefrontal-cortex theory is being called into question in scientific communities, I knew for sure that, whatever the reason, biologically or life-experience driven, teenagers tended not to have the ability to see past what would make them happyright now. I looked down at Maisy and mused that that was how she had gotten here in the first place.
“So you want Cheryl and Andy to raise her?”
Sarah’s eyes filled again, and she shrugged. “I just don’t know, Daisy. If I had my choice, I think I’d want younger parents for her. But Cheryl and Andy taking the baby means that I at least get to watch her grow up.”
I nodded, feeling the type of devastated resignation I had felt holding baby Brian as he took his last breath. It was over. There was nothing I could do to change that.
“Daisy?” she asked.
“Yeah?”
“Can I… can I hold her?”
I smiled and rearranged this little girl I loved so much into the arms of the young girl who had given birth to her. Sarah looked down into her baby’s face. “I’m so sorry I left you,” she whispered. “I know I haven’t done a good job of showing it, but I love you so much.”
And that’s when I knew that I had to walk away. Because as much as I loved Maisy, the mother who’d grown her and birthed her loved her too. I wondered if my biological mother had loved me that much. It broke my heart that I would never know. But here, now, I had the opportunity to make sure that Maisy didn’t grow up like I had, wondering about her biological mother. She should be with her family. It was only right. I put my arm around Sarah as she cooed to her baby. And I steeled everything inside myself. It was my job to make sure Maisy had her best possible future. Sarah too. And it occurred to me that, as much as I had fought against him, Mason just might have been right about everything. And now he was leaving. And I was too late to tell him how I felt.
MASONBright Future
Real feelings for a woman you actually think you want a future with are tricky, I was realizing. Because I should be mad at Daisy. Furious, actually. I shouldn’twantto help her. Because she wasn’t giving me what I wanted. She hadn’t agreed with me. I still maintained that I was right. The truth would have come out eventually. And, when it did, it was always going to be bad. It was better to get it all out in the open on the front end.
That said, I was bathing in guilt. Because, sure, I wanted Drew to know the truth. But I had never expected Cheryl towantMaisy. Maybe I had underestimated her because that was natural. Cheryl and Andy had dedicated their lives to their son. They would follow his games through college, but they had made no bones about the fact that they had met the goal and now it was their turn. They were going to spend money on trips that didn’t include roadside motels and pizza boxes and dirty cleats. They were going to spend nights grilling out and drinking wine, not driving around to practices. Sure, I knew part of that was joking, part was covering up for how desperately they would miss their son. But I thought they were at least partially excited about their empty nest.
Andy and Cheryl’s brick ranch on a large golf course lot always made me happy when I pulled up. I loved the family inside and how they had become family to me. I had grilled with them many times on their back patio overlooking the fairway on the fourth hole, even spent nights there when they were out of town and needed someone to stay with Drew. This was the first time I’d ever felt nervous walking up to their door.
I knocked, and Cheryl called, “I’m coming!”
She smiled when she saw me through the French door and motioned for me to come in.
I opened the door and she hugged me. “Well, hi there, Coach. To what do I owe the pleasure?” She obviously wasn’t going to acknowledge her meltdown.
I smiled but started to feel sick. I could be tough on my players and with my friends. But this was going to be a difficult conversation, one that could cost me something I really wanted. I thought of Daisy. She might not love me anymore, but that didn’t make her any less deserving of the privilege of being a mom. Would Cheryl and Andy be great parents to Maisy? Of course. So I considered that maybe I should just pretend I was stopping by for coffee, not risk losing my dream job by sticking my nose in where it didn’t belong. But then I thought of Daisy again, of the way she looked at that little baby, of how connected they were. I stood up a little taller and took a deep breath.
“Let’s get you some coffee and an apple cinnamon muffin,” Cheryl said. “They’re just coming out of the oven.”
“So that’s what smells so delicious,” I said, recovering.
I followed Cheryl into her homey kitchen. It had pine cabinets and tile countertops, a throwback to a time before everything was white and stainless steel. It was the coziest kitchen I knew. And I realized again that Maisy could be happy here. But then Daisy wouldn’t be.
“Sit down,” Cheryl said, gesturing to a barstool as she poured us each a cup of coffee, adding cream and sugar to mine.
“You sit too.”
She raised her eyebrow but turned a barstool in my direction. “Should I be worried?”
“Oh, no way. Not at all.”Well, maybe a little worried.“I just wanted to rehash next year with you.” I paused. “I’m so excited, by the way. And I can’t thank you enough for the opportunity.”
Cheryl laughed. “The opportunity? Mason, you got that coaching position because you’re a great coach. We’d love to take credit for that, but, unfortunately, we cannot.”
