“Your dad had the lawyers and the family name and reputation. No one was going to go against him.”
“Not even you, apparently,” I said.
She took a deep breath. “As hard as it is to say, you weren’t my blood. I had no real claim to you except how much I loved you. But love doesn’t hold up in court.” Something pinged in the dark recesses of my brain. I needed to ask more questions, but I wasn’t sure what they were yet. She was quiet for a moment. “I’m not saying this well. Idon’t want to make excuses. I only want to apologize, to tell you that I have always loved you, I have always carried you in my heart, and being separated from you was the single most difficult thing that has ever happened to me. I feel like your being here gives us the greatest chance to make up for lost time.”
I honestly could not believe what this woman was saying. “So, that’s it?” I asked. “No, like, dark, twisty family secret that made you leave, no hidden scandal that you had to run away from? My dad wasn’t beating you and you had to flee for your life?”
Her eyes widened. “Your dad would never.”
I thought back to Amelia and Mason questioning me. I knew he wouldnever. “I guess it’s just that, all this time I’ve had to think about it, I wanted there to be some big reason you left and never came back.”
She bit her lip. Ah, there was more. My heart raced in anticipation. Maybe there was something that was going to make me feel better. She looked down at her feet and then up at me, taking a fortifying breath. “Look, Daisy. The whole truth… I, um. Well, I had an affair.” She blew out her breath and then started talking very quickly. “It was wrong, and I know it, but I think my whole life just felt so overwhelming, and I took refuge in a place I shouldn’t have. Your dad threatened to expose my affair to the entire town if I fought for you. My family, his family, and, honestly, I didn’t even care that much if they knew…”
She trailed off. I was an adult. I knew people had affairs. Hell, I even kind of understood it. I mean, I had been privy to attraction that was very hard to fight, and I knew it was even harder to fight when other things in your life weren’t going well. But I wasn’t ready to admit any of that. “So you didn’t fight for me to save your reputation,” I said matter-of-factly.
She shook her head, and, to her credit, she did at least look ashamed. Which wasn’t even what I wanted. What I wanted was for her to go back in time and change it. Was that too much to ask?
“I would have endured the shame and the scrutiny. But I hired a lawyer who told me in no uncertain terms that I had no legal claim to you whatsoever. I would never win any sort of rights to you. And the affair only made that worse.”
No legal claim.That pinging again. “No legal claim?” I put my hand up. “Wait. Are you telling me that you never adopted me?”
This made no sense. The woman had abandoned me years ago. But, somehow, knowing that she had never even adopted me was worse than that pain times about a million.
She stared at me. “Wait. You didn’t know that?”
Maybe it was weird to get so worked up about the semantics of the thing. But, wow, this was a gut punch. “Does this look like the face of a person whoknew that?”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. “Your dad adopted you before we were married, and then, anytime I asked, he just said there was no need.” She shook her head. “Which, obviously, was a huge mistake on my part. But I was yourmother. I just never imagined he would keep me from you, so I never pushed it.”
I felt my breath getting short.
“I’m sorry, Daisy,” she said. “I have no defenses. I made so many mistakes. I have nothing else to say but I’m sorry. If I could change it, I would. But I cannot. Have you ever done something you regretted? Something you wish you could take back?”
Well, of course I had. Hadn’t we all? Most recently, I wished fervently that I hadn’t ignored a mother after caring for her dying baby. But I hadn’tabandoned my child.Then something occurred to me. “The man you had the affair with. Was it…” I trailed off. I didn’t knowKevin’s dad’s name. But it didn’t matter. She nodded. I wasn’t sure if that was better or worse. She had cheated on my dad and left me but at least it was real love? Or she left me and got everything she wanted, so it was worse. It was too much to wade through. I couldn’t process any of it.
So I stood up. “Okay. Well, thank you, Julie. You came here to say what you needed to say. I hear you, and I appreciate it.”
I didn’t appreciate it.
She stood too, taking my cue. “Daisy, could you ever find it in your heart to forgive me? I know this has been impossible for you, but I swear it has ruined my life too.”
Anger rose in me. Here she was with her new husband and her new kid and her new family. Her life did not seem ruined. But it was Easter. And I wanted to be happy. So, I placated her so this could be over. “Sure, Julie. I can forgive you.”
I was lying. She hugged me, and I gave her a half-hearted hug back. And, this time, I didn’t so much as breathe, didn’t give her a chance for those mother pheromones to sink in and make me love her even more. She wiped her eyes, and I could tell that, in her mind, this was all solved. A lifetime of my broken heart had just been washed away by a lame-ass apology with an explanation that was even worse than I had imagined. Well, I was happy for her. And, really, not much had changed for me. Only, now, in Cape Carolina, I’d have to see her all the time. I knew I would have to find a way to move forward in that reality.
I ushered that woman out the door, took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and focused on the sun on my face, the chirping birds. I looked down at the baby whose carrier I was holding and made a vow. “I will never, ever leave you,” I whispered. “I wouldneverlet anyone take you away from me. No matter what.”
I knew in that moment that I would fight tooth and nail to protect Maisy, would sacrifice anything so that she never had to spend one second of her life wondering why her mother didn’t love her enough to stay.
When I pulled into Dogwood three minutes later, Mason was waiting. He kissed me quickly before extricating Maisy from her car seat.
She was dressed in a blue bubble outfit with pink bunnies embroidered on it that one of the soccer moms had given me. She looked absolutely adorable. “Maisy! You’re so grown-up!” he said. “You’re like twice as big as when I saw you a few days ago!”
He kissed me again, this time longer, like it wasn’t just a passing thought. “You’re doing a really good job.”
I laughed. “Well, I’m glad you think so because, let me tell you, it hasn’t been easy.”
Situating Maisy in one arm, he put the other around me. And, for just a moment, I could pretend that this was how it always was, that we were a mommy, a daddy, and a baby. But I knew assigning that role to either of the people beside me was dangerous. Mason wasn’t my husband. He wasn’t Maisy’s father. And she, as much as I wanted to make that happen, was not my daughter.
