Amelia put her hand to her mouth. “Your mom died in a domestic dispute?” she whispered.
“I’m lucky I’m alive. I was there alone for two days.”
Mason and that arm again. “Wow,” he said. “But you’re just so upbeat.”
I nodded. “I am. Because I had a fantastic father who raised me so attentively and well and loves me dearly. And I know that I’m lucky to be alive and that I am in charge of my own choices. So, I’m happy. But I won’t lie,” I said, taking a sip of my wine, “seeing her again hurt like hell.”
I remembered being ten and a mean kid at school saying that Julie wasn’t my real mom. When I asked her about it, she had held me close, stroked my hair, and said,No, sweetheart. You are my daughter. I am your mother. And that’s that.As an adult, that resonated with me. My biological mother had died; Julie had adopted me. She was mymother. But I guessed that hadn’t been enough for her.
I took a deep breath, my mind flooding with thoughts I was trying to push away. I turned my head awkwardly toward Mason since he was sitting so close. “She has a family, doesn’t she?”
Amelia and Mason shared a look that told me everything.
“She’s a baseball mom,” Mason said. “I’m so sorry. If I had had any idea…”
I shook my head and smiled weakly. “Oh my gosh, no. You couldn’t have known. I never talk about it. I probably never would have had she not shown up.”
“Do you think you’ll talk to her?” Amelia asked tentatively.
“No,” I said automatically.
Amelia looked down into her wineglass.
“Do you think I should?”
She shrugged like she had no idea, but she had plenty of idea.
“You think I should.”
“You should do whateveryouwant to do, Daisy,” Mason said, a little sharply, in Amelia’s direction.
“I’m sorry,” she said. “I just have a different perspective. You know I do. I’ve lived through some weird stuff, and it’s taught me some hard-earned lessons.”
“Well, then, lay it on me.”
Amelia leaned toward me. “Look, all I know is that I spent some time being really bitter and angry toward my ex, Thad. Forgiving him was really something I needed to do for me, of course, but it led to this great friendship. Yes, we’re still divorced, and, yes, he still lied to me. But we were able to have this new kind of relationship where he’s a hugely important part of my life. We get to watch each other’s kids grow up.” She paused. “I don’t love him the way I once did, of course, and I’d be willing to bet that regaining any type of mom-love for Julie might be impossible, but…” She trailed off.
I swallowed and nodded. “I’ve had a long time to sit with this, you know? And I really thought I was past it. But I think knowing that she has another family is just so…” I shook my head. “It’s like her adopted daughter wasn’t enough, so she went out and had the real kid she always wanted.”
Amelia nodded vehemently. “I knew I couldn’t have kids, and Thad and I agreed we didn’t want them. And then he left, and he and Chase immediately started a family, and I felt so…” She looked up, searching for the right word. “Insufficient.”
I nodded. “Insufficient. That’s exactly how I feel.”
“But you aren’t,” Mason said. “Her leaving, in all likelihood, didn’t even have anything to do with you.”
Amelia nodded. “Oh! That’s a good point. It almost definitely didn’t.”
“How were she and your dad?” Mason asked.
I thought about that. “She left the summer before I started high school, basically the time when I was the most selfish person in the world.” I shrugged, thinking about how to describe my dad. “My dad is my favorite person. I can see her being bored with him—which makes me feel horrible. I mean, he works, he comes home, he fishes sometimes. But he’s totally mild-mannered. He wouldn’t have done something to make her leave.” Come to think of it… Mason was a little like Dad. Maybe that’s what I liked about him so instantly.
“You’re sure?” Amelia asked.
I had never seen my dad lose his temper. Not once. “I’m positive.”
“Don’t you need to know?” Mason said. “I wouldn’t have the self-control not to hear what she has to say.”
Amelia sighed. “It’s a gamble. It could make you feel better, or it could make you feel worse.”
