Laughter bubbled out of my mouth.
“I’m sorry.” I tried pulling myself together, but I couldn’t stop giggling. “I’m so sorry…”
Connor cocked his head. “About?”
My stomach sank when he stepped back, knowing I needed to face the facts. I couldn’t lie to myself, and I definitely couldn’t lie to him.
I shifted from one high heel to the other. “I know everything is perfect,” I started. “You’reperfect, but…” I shook my head. “I can’t do it, Con. I can’t kiss you.”
Connor didn’t respond; he didn’t evenmove. He stood on the porch, stunned, as I grimaced, bracing myself for the worst. Not only our relationship ending, but also ourfriendship. It was only when I caught his shoulders relax that I realized they’d been tensed since I’d opened the door. “Okay, wow,” he finally said. “Thank you for telling me.” He squeezed my side, but not in a flirty way. It felt like reassurance. “Because I can’t kiss you, either, Mads. I love you—”
“I love you, too!” I quickly said.
Connor half smiled. “You don’t feel thatpull, though, right?”
I shook my head, mind flashing to Marco.
“I don’t, either,” he said. “You are the smartest, funniest, and most beautiful girl I’ve dated, which makes this pretty confusing…” he trailed off. “But for some reason, I’m never going to fallinlove with you. No matter how much I wish I could.”
“Me too,” I said, now thinking of Austin and Samira. They were best friends, and best friends only. “You’re my oldest friend, Connor, but if we were destined to be a certified power couple, it would’ve happened by now. I mean, we live less than a half mile from each other. There was never any distance between us, and honestly, I’ve never been jealous of your girlfriends. Just annoyed if they treated you terribly or hijacked our plans.”
He nodded. “I know I acted jealous, but I wasn’t actually begrudging of the guys you went out with,” he admitted. “I thought you were wasting your time, because none of them were good enough for you. You deserve someone incredible.”
“So do you,” I said. “And her name isnotLauren Bitterman.”
Connor smirked. “This should be way more awkward than it is, right?”
“Probably.” I smiled. “But we don’t have time for awkward.” I hip checked him toward his car. “Our reservation is in ten minutes.”
“You’ll always be my best friend,” he told me as we drove to the restaurant.
“Why, thank you,” I said and reached over the center console to give his knee a good old grandmotherly pat. “If you’re lucky, you’ll always be mine.”
When Connor glanced over at me, I winked.
And he winked back.
Twenty-Four
I found myselfalone-alone again the next weekend. Despite their running joke that they wanted to spend their thirtieth anniversary in Paris, my parents had decided to fly to wine country in California for a long weekend in October. “No parties,” they warned me before leaving for the airport Thursday morning, to which I responded, “But Connor already ordered the kegs!”
Austin usually stayed with me while Dad and Da were out of town, but he too had plans. Samira had invited him to Baltimore so they could talk in person. “I told Katie,” he said when he called from the road. “I told Katie everything.”
I’d winced. “How many mugs did she throw at you?”
After all, there were plenty to spare from their cabinet.
“None,” Austin said. “She was actuallycalmabout the whole thing, like she’d been expecting it.” He sighed. “She was honest and said that she doesn’t fully trust Samira, but she trusts me implicitly and understands why I want to try to work out our relationship.”
Hmm, I thought.Either he’s downplaying things or that wasveryanticlimactic…
I wondered if Samira would be able to fall out of love with my brother, and instead just love him the way he loved her.
Connor and his family were also out of town, celebrating his grandfather’s birthday, so I ordered Chinese takeout for dinner. It was date night for Natalie and Davis, and I wasn’t in the mood to go to the huge party one of my teammates was throwing. We were headed to the state playoffs, and apparently the perfect way to prepare was a ton of alcohol paired with her heated pool.Someone is going to hurt themselves, I worried.Someone is going to show up to practice on Monday with crutches.
Which was all to say that my only human interaction that evening was a Zoom with the bridesmaids. Katie had not been included, since the main item on the agenda was rehearsal dinner speeches, but my recent breakup ended up taking top priority. “You were only together three weeks,” Yasmin said. “Are you sure that was enough time?”
“Yaz, she couldn’t even kiss him,” Meredith said. “I’m pretty sure it was enough time.”
