“I think I would’ve called it with her anyway,” he continued. “Things have been off for a while. I can’t actually explain it, but I’ve been feeling antsy. Like I was with Lauren because I’m waiting for something that’s just not coming. I thought maybe if I broke up with her, whatever I’m waiting for would finally happen.” He rubbed his eyes, suddenly looking so tired. “I know that makes no sense.”
“No, it does,” I said softly. “I get it.”
“You usually do,” he murmured, and then it was silent between us for a couple beats.
Do it,I told myself, heart speeding up.Say something.
“Can I ask you a question…?” I eventually said, because I had to. I had to know.
He nodded.
I took a breath. “Did you ever—” I stopped short, pulse pounding too hard to speak. “I mean, have you ever, maybe, thought about what it would be like if we were together?”
Connor slowly reacted. “Yeah,” he said, lips spreading into a smile. “Yeah, I’ve thought about it a lot.”
My stomach somersaulted. “Oh.”
“You’re surprised?” he asked.
“A little,” I answered. “You’ve never made a move…”
“Neither have you,” he pointed out.
We looked at each other and laughed.
“You also never seemed interested,” he added.
“You never gave me the chance,” I countered. “You haven’t been single since freshman year!”
Connor chuckled. “I meant you’ve never seemed interested in datingperiod.”
I shrugged. “Field hockey remains my first love.”
He dramatically sighed. “And Olivia Lupo was mine.”
“Fair,” I said. “Although you are the boy next door.”
“And you are the girl next door.”
“Yes,” I joked. “I think it’s required we date at some point.”
“Strongly suggested,” he agreed. “I’d rather date you because you’re my best friend, though.”
“Same.” I grinned. “Same here.”
“Good.” Connor grinned back. “Now can I askyoua question?”
My smile was stuck on my face. “Shoot!”
Connor’s was not; his expression turned solemn before he said: “Marco…”
Marco is some dickhead guy, I thought, resisting the urge to roll my eyes.
“Just a friend,” I told Connor, the technical truth. “He was always just a friend.”
“That’s it?” he asked.
“That’s it,” I confirmed, wishing I didn’t feel like I was lying. Why tell him I once had a crush on Marco? Nothing had evercome of it. If anything, I had Marco tothank. He’d been something similar to a learning experience; flirting and confessing my crush on him and our fight this summer had actually given me the confidence to go for it tonight. No matter what, I could go after anything I wanted.
