In fact, I felt myself nod.
“Yeah, I saw her kiss your cheek so she could steal your hat!” she exclaimed as if I’d demanded evidence instead of confessed. “You blushed brighter than when I kissed you in eighth grade.” She rolled her eyes. “It turns out I’ve been third-wheeling all the way today.”
“You have not,” I said, shaking my head. “If anything, Isa,Graceis the third wheel. We both know what her game is.” I swallowed. “To get us back together.”
I realized, in immediate hindsight, my poor choice of words.
“As friends,” I clarified. “Like we were before…”
“Before?” Isa blinked in slow-motion, faking cluelessness. “Before what?”
I felt my face redden. “We’re not stabbing you in the back,” I murmured, resisting the urge to talk to my hands. I had to keep eye contact. “You and I aren’t dating or anything.”
“Yes, that’s absolutely correct,” she snapped. “We’re not.”
“Then what’s the problem?” I asked, exasperated. “Becauseif it’s about Grace being your best friend, then that’s stupid. I’m sorry—I know there’s some special girl code—but it is. We datedthree yearsago, Isa, and I know you don’t feel anything for me anymore.” I sighed. “And when I say anything, I meananything.Not love, not friendship, not even a supportive shoulder when the going gets tough.”
Isa looked like I’d slapped her across the face. I could almost imagine the handprint on her cheek, and I wanted to kick myself.
You shouldn’t have brought Dad into it,I thought, feeling like water was pouring into my lungs.Why did you bring Dad into it?
Because it was the truth. Something had hurt me the day I’d ended things with Isa, so I had hurt Isa hoping it would make me feel better. I didn’t need a girlfriend, especially one I’d realized I didn’t love the way she deserved to be loved. No, I needed my best friend, the person who made it clear we were an unbreakable team.
Isabel Cruz happened to be both those people. But for some reason, she couldn’t be both at the same time. I couldn’t either.
“Isa, I’m sorry,” I said. “But I need you to know—”
“I can’t believe we’re doing this again,” she cut me off. “Are you serious? Are you seriously telling me that—”
And then I cut her off. “I’m trying to be honest,” I said. “You deserve to know the truth.”
“Yes.” Isa snorted. “I’ve only been waiting forthree yearswith bated breath.”
My gaze dropped down to my hands.
“Oh my god,” Isa said. “This is so ridiculous! So ridiculous that you need to beprompted.Here, let me paint you a picture, Mr.Adler! Would that be all right?”
“Don’t call me that, Isa,” I whispered asDad, Dad, Dadran through my mind. “Please don’t call me that.”
Isa did the exact opposite, clapping her hands together with sarcastic glee. “It was the end of freshman year, and coincidentally we’d been together twelve months. I was wearing a light pink dress, and you gave me a bouquet of peonies and kissed me after my parents took our picture. Then your mom drove us into town and we had a nice dinner before walking to school for the formal…”
A lump formed in my throat.
“It was like a switch had been flipped,” she said. “You refused to dance with me, you didn’t hold my hand, you didn’t do much of anything except stand by Grace’s side.”
I swallowed. Grace hadn’t had a date to our freshman formal. Plenty of people had asked her, but she’d let them down gently. I hated myself for being hopeful that maybe the rejection was because of me. When I hadn’t been sneaking looks at her at the dance, I’d noticed Steph Gallagher looking longingly at her. They’d ended up dating most of sophomore year.
“But the worst wasafterward,” Isa said. “You went from sweet to distant tocold,Everett. You made me shiver in the parking lot, and it wasn’t because you hadn’t offered me your jacket.” She paused. “I can’t remember what you said; I’ve blocked it out, to be honest.” Her voice dropped. “I bawled allweekend. My eyes were so red and puffy and sore that I could barely open them. You have no idea how much Grace did for me, how many cucumbers she sliced to bring down the swelling. How many times she told me you were amoron.”
I bit my tongue. Grace had made thatmorethan clear. I’d never forget her voice on the phone, telling me that she was holding herself back from walking over to my house and punching me in the goddamn face.
She’s not the only one upset,I’d wanted to say.You have no idea, Grace. No idea at all.
“Listen, Isa.” I sucked in a breath. “I have to tell you something….” I trailed off when I noticed Grace’s striped shorts out of the corner of my eye. She was behind a streetlamp with her phone pressed against her ear.
But something told me she’d hung up with my mom a while ago.
“You shoved me away,” Isa said, oblivious. “You shoved me awayhardwhen you broke up with me, so I pushed you away, too. I pushed you away because—” She dropped off, like she’d been about to spill tea she didn’t want spilled. “I don’t regret it, Everett. If you had justapologizedfor treating me like that—if you had beenyouthat night, just been myfriend—things would be different.” She shook her head again. “But they aren’t, and here you are, telling me all over again that you likesomeone else!” She rose from the curb. “Unbelievable.”
