“Don’t worry, I’m coming,” I’d told him, and soon arrived at the Adlers’ with a beach bag full of activities. Ev had collapsed on the couch while I dug out the colorful bracelet-making thread. He loved his sisters fiercely, but also needed a break. Margot was full of middle school angst, and Abigail could be a lot when she got going with one of her obsessions.
I’d stayed until almost midnight; Mrs.Adler had gone on a weekend spa getaway with my mom and Mrs.Cruz. Afterdinner, dessert, more beekeeping videos, and bedtime stories, Ev and I spread out on the family room sectional. There was plenty of room between us, but then suddenly there was not. Had I scrambled over to his side of the couch? Or had he scrambled over to mine? I couldn’t tell you, but it ended with me on his lap, hugging him while he cried into my neck. His T-shirt was soft and smelled like the Adler household’s familiar spring-scented laundry detergent. “Don’t ask,” he whispered. “Please don’t ask.”
I ran my hand through his beautiful dark hair, not needing to ask. I knew—I knew that today his grief over losing his dad had snuck up on him, and had totally and completely wrecked him. “I miss him too,” I whispered. “I miss him so much.”
And then that’s when I almost did it, that’s when Ialmostmade my mistake: I almost kissed him.
Ev tilted back his head and looked at me with his red-rimmed and raw amber eyes. My heart nearly broke; I wanted to kiss him. I desperately wanted to kiss him. Not because he was falling apart, but because he was Everett Adler. My oldest friend, my always crush, my everything.
I let myself picture it.
I admit, I did. I imagined it and my heart heaved at such a hypnotic thought: the feel of Ev’s lips against mine, the feel of my lips against Ev’s. What could possibly be better?
Ev coughed and mumbled something about a glass of water after I awkwardly slid off his lap and crawled back to my side of the family room couch.
God, what would Isa do if she knew I’d wanted to kiss herex-boyfriend, let alone knew that I washereright now? Her SAT bootcamp had pretty much lasted the entire day, but I’d had to dodge some texts.Thanks for the drink, G!she’d messaged after I Venmo-ed her money for a surprise Starbucks treat-yourself drink. Tall matcha latte with two pumps of vanilla.
It would be complete betrayal. Pretending not to be friends with Ev already made me feel so guilty, and anything more would smother me. I couldn’t keep that a secret from Isa. She was my best friend. If I didn’t have her, nothing would make sense.
But would you want to?I wished I could say to Ev.If we could be together, would you want to?
Yes,I wished he’d say back.I really want to.
Nothing was said, though. Ev returned from the kitchen and offered me a lemon seltzer before we went back to watching TV.
“Ride?” he asked a while later, walking me out to my car.
“Or die,” I answered, eyes prickling as I hugged him goodbye.
And so a line was drawn, but it couldn’t have been more fine.Isa,I had to keep reminding myself whenever I was alone with Ev and tempted to see if our friendship could be more.You can’t hurt Isa.
Because sometimes I suspected the reason she didn’t want to be in the same room with him was because she still lovedhim.
Miraculously, Isa and Ev cheered when Philadelphia’s skyline came into view. And yeah, yeah, I know most people might thinkIt’s no New York,but again, it was pretty special to us. Mr.Adler had made sure we knew how much there was to love about it, and soon we wouldn’t have the luxury of driving into the city on a whim. Isa would be at Brown, while California’s Pepperdine University was calling my name, and Ev would be at Vanderbilt in the Bachelorette Weekend Capital of the World (otherwise known as Nashville). James, because he was James, was headed to Boston University. “Why there?” I’d asked, and he’d shrugged.
Don’t get me wrong, BU was a fantastic school, but it was like my brother had carelessly flipped through theFiske Guide to Collegesbrick of a book and randomly chosen one. I’d always pictured him studying music, but maybe that was just me. BU offered a ton of majors, so I had a feeling James had no idea what he wanted to do.
And he wasn’t alone, because neither did I. I knew I wanted to play tennis, but that was about it. “Don’t stress about it now,” Ev always said. “We’ll figure it out when we get there.”
Meanwhile, Isa had already decided on a finance major and engineering minor. I sometimes wondered if Wall Street whiz Mrs.Cruz had chosen those, because as good as Isa was with numbers, she moaned and groaned whenever she had a math test.
“Okay, blindfolds!” I now exclaimed. My Waze app had just told me to exit the highway in one thousand feet.
“Blindfolds?” Ev said. “Where are we going to get blindfolds?”
“And why?” Isa asked. “We already know we’re in Philly.”
“But you don’t know our exactdestination,” I countered, flipping the blinker and smiling to myself. “The blindfolds are in my purse.”
We hadn’t had any bandanas at home, so Isa pulled two sleeping masks from my small shoulder bag. Both were silky and black and readOUT OF OFFICEacross the front. Ev rolled his eyes. “You think you’re so clever,” he said.
“Yes.” I smirked. “As a matter of fact, I do.”
He responded by reaching over and tapping my nose with two fingers.Cute as a button!our moms would say when I was little.
I blushed, and quickly glanced in the rearview mirror to see that Isa had already put on her mask. “You won’t be getting this back,” she said as I took the exit ramp. “It’s cuteandcomfortable, so I’m keeping it.”
“Thank Etsy, not me,” I replied, then made anahemnoise until Ev put his on, too. He complied and leaned back in his seat, folding his arms over his chest.Thrilled,clearly. “You can keep yours, too, Ev.”
