Everett’s dad smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling. “How about you forget the problem sets?” He nodded toward the back deck. “I’ll teach you how to grill.”
I’d hesitated, worried that I wouldn’t be allowed to eat at the Adlers’ if I came home without my homework completed.
“Or at least keep me company,” Mr.Adler said. “Tell me about your day.”
My eyes smarted. I’d overheard my math teacher call me one of her best students, but also an exhausting know-it-all. “It was terrible,” I whispered. “My day was terrible.”
And then I’d followed Everett’s dad outside and learned how to grill the perfect New York strip steak while my fourteen-year-old-self cried. I never broke down in front of my own parents, not even Papá. He called me his superstar and always supported me when I went to him with my problems, but we spoke like adults in the Cruz household. There was no crying.
Hot lava threatened to spill out of my heart. Suddenly I was so angry—it wasn’t fair. It wasn’tfair.Mr.Adler hadn’t been my father, and I didn’t know how to make amends with his son, but I missed him.All right, Isa,he would say whenever I was stressed.Level with me…
I blinked a few times and forced myself to tune back into Grace and Everett’s conversation. They hadn’t moved on from FCS. “I mean, just imagine you and James with a baby!” Grace was saying, her voice upbeat. “Ev, you’d be the ever-present, nurturing father, while James would be the always-out-of-town, emotionally unavailable one.”
I couldn’t help it; I gasped.
“Are you serious, G?” I asked before Everett could comment. “James isnotemotionally unavailable. Remember when—” I dropped off, not wanting Everett to know about my full-blown panic attack about my Harvard application essay back in November—or my panic attacks in general. No one told him when they’d started last year and no one needed to tell him now.
We weren’t friends anymore, and deep down, I didn’t want to burden him. Everett Adler had always been an anchor; taking care of people was what he did best. For years, he’d known that taking care of me meant engaging my parents so I could have a break from the spotlight.
Grace glanced in the rearview mirror and our eyes met. Hers were swimming with an apology, still stuck on James. Something else, though, too.
It looked like hurt.
Yes, James is great with you, Isa,I could hear her voice in my head.But with me?
The Barbour siblings weren’t exactly close. Neither of them seemed openly bothered by it, but sometimes I caught James’s jaw tighten when Grace and I made late-night runs to Wawa without inviting him. Or I saw Grace roll her eyes when James returned from a party we hadn’t heard about through the grapevine. “Eh.” He’d once shrugged. “Not your scene.”
“No, relax, I’m totally kidding,” Grace said, trying to Band-Aid the joke. “Just not about the traveling thing. Who knows how long your world tour will be!”
I laughed an I-forgive-you laugh. Grace loved when James and I teamed up for family talent shows, covering various songs. Stripping them down and turning them into duets came so easily, so effortlessly (but choosing a band name—not so much). Everyone thought we were a wonder together, and Grace called our stage presencedreamyandromantic.
But I didn’t know how she’d feel if she found out things were getting romantic between her brother and meoffstage.Our families were close, maybe too close at times. I spent so much time at the Barbours’ house that I felt like Grace considered me an honorary sibling. It would be bizarre if I told her about my crush on James.You’re like his sister!I imagined her saying, even though it wasn’t biologically true.It’s twisted, isn’t it?
“Just tell her!” James had said over the past several months, lightheartedly at first, and then growing more frustrated over time. He didn’t get that falling for your best friend’s brother was abig dealin Girl World. “She might be shocked, Izzy, but she’ll snap back once she sees how amazing we are together.”
Of course, James no longer found my procrastination charming, and I couldn’t bring myself to share why else I was worried about officially dating him.
Tesla speeding along, I shifted in the backseat and suggested we listen to some music.
“Ooh, yes!” Grace exclaimed. She sounded relieved. Here was something to fill the void of silence! I knew she had things to talk about with me, and stuff to talk about with Everett, but a Venn diagram we did not make. She waved her hand at theTesla’s full-on computer screen mounted on the dashboard. “Ev, would you mind figuring out this situation?”
Everett glanced back at me.
I smiled politely. “I don’t know. I’m not allowed to drive this car.”
A flash of amusement crossed his still-agitated face. Something was bothering him. “Actually, I was going to ask if you had any requests.”
“TheLes Missoundtrack,” I said, straight-faced.
Everett and Grace groaned. Show tunes were not their favorite.
But after connecting his phone to the Tesla’s fickle Bluetooth, Fantine’s tragic “I Dreamed a Dream” filled the car. I began to sing along, knowing the lyrics by heart. A couple songs later, I noticed Grace lower the volume so she could hear me over the music.
“You have the best voice, Isa,” she said after another ballad ended. “Seriously, it’s mesmerizing.”
“Thanks, G,” I replied, then thought:I’m even better with James.
Chapter 9
