Things were still so new. It had only been a month, and I was probably a little gun-shy from this last time I’d gone this far. Last year, Mrs. Collings had nearly caught Matt Gallant and me rolling around under The Meadow’s willow tree together. If we hadn’t heard her bloodhound’s warning bark, detention could’ve come calling.
“Uh-huh,” Nick said now. “Came in the mail yesterday.” His sweatshirt was navy with YALEembroidered across the chest in white letters.
“I like it,” I told him. “And I’m so happy for you.”
Nick kissed my forehead. “Thank you, but I haven’t really gotten in yet. Still a couple of months to wait.”
“But you will,” I said, leaning into his side. “You will.”
“So will you,” he replied. “Wherever you want to go.” He paused. “Have you made headway?”
My stomach swirled. My college counseling meetings still didn’t feel like successes because none of the schools on my list aligned with the twins’. My mom and I’d visited some cool places, but now I thought about Charlie and his Bowdoin visit, and Nick and Yale. “Reaches,” my counselor called both of them. I remembered brushing away tears in her office that day, realizing I would be alone next year. For the first time ever, the Carmichaels would not be at my side. I would have to start from scratch, and it was daunting. Makingfriends had never been difficult for me, but without the twins to lean on? That scared me.
“Yeah, I have plans,” I told Nick, then bit down hard on my lip to hold back the next part:Although they don’t yet involve you.
Maybe it was better to spend the next four years on my own. I had to live my own life, to figure out who I really was and what I really wanted for the future. And that wouldn’t happen if I was so deeply entwined with someone else. I knew that firsthand.
It couldn’t last. No matter how much I liked being entwined with Nick. We were still buddies, but now I loved how his arms felt around me and how we talked about the most random stuff. “There are two types of s’more makers,” he said later, giving me a piggyback ride back to main campus. “JV and varsity.”
“And how does one differentiate?” I asked.
“Simple,” he answered, all confidence. “A varsity s’more maker possesses patience, while the JV team is overeager.”
“Because you need to wait for the fire to burn down the coals.” I smiled to myself, remembering a summer bonfire when we were younger. “The best way to get that golden-brown shell and gooey inside is when there’s barely a flame.”
“Exactly, or else you’ll bungle the whole thing,” he said, then somehow shifted us so that I was now a koala clinging to his side. He flashed me a dimpled grin. “You’re varsity.”
“Thanks.” I grinned back. “You’re varsity too.”
Then we just smiled at each other before he leaned in to kiss me.
CHAPTER 10
CHARLIE
Nick and I went home for our birthday,October 2. It fell on a Saturday, so we caught a train after classes and would stay in Darien for the weekend. I packed for an overnight, but Nick packed like we were going home for winter break, showing up at the station with his rolling suitcase in tow. “I have a ton of laundry,” he said. “So why not?”
Mom was waiting at the end of the platform, a loose grip on Cassidy and Sundance’s leashes. Our black labs sat at her feet, but they started wagging their tails wildly when they spotted us. “Happy birthday!” Mom exclaimed, the signal for Nick and me to engage in one of our favorite bits: pushing and shoving each other in an attempt to be the first twin to hug Mom. This time, it was me. (Nick’s luggage didn’t do him any favors.)
“I think it might be time for a haircut, Nicky,” Mom said as I chauffeured us home in the Jeep. “A little too long.”
“Nah, not yet, Mom,” Nick responded. “Girls love it like this.”
There was a second of silence as I flipped on the blinker and made a left-hand turn, something knotting in me.Sage.I knew he was really talking about Sage. She was so confident with guys thatthey had hope they’d get their chance with her, that she was interested. My brother included. I gripped the steering wheel tighter, remembering Nick and Sage kissing this summer, during spin the bottle. “I’m sorry,” Nick had said to me afterward, looking anything but—he was Hercules when they gave him back his godliness. “I know you two…” He shook his head, drunk and dazed. “I mean, youknow, you know?”
No, I’d thought.No, I don’t know. I’ve never had a kiss like that. I never will.
But I just clapped him on the shoulder. “Yeah, yeah, all good,” I said. “It was a one-time thing. I get it.”
Then I’d gone off to find the whiskey and Sage. I wasn’t going to let her string along my twin.
Two hours later, we were on another train. Tonight the Rangers were playing the Red Wings, and Mom and Dad had gotten center ice seats, with the Hardcastles joining us for dinner. Dad and Uncle Theo had been best friends since their own Bexley days.
“Happy birthday!” Aunt Whitney called out when we got to the restaurant, and I tried not to let my shoulders slump. Because I could never catch a break with Aunt Whit. Everything I did elicited some sort of comment from her.
“You certainly have a lot oftea, Charlie,” she’d told me at one of my parents’ dinner parties, when Nick and I were working on the dishes and she’d come in asking for a cup of Earl Grey.
“Well, yes,” I responded as I dug through our tea cabinet, pulsepounding. “Otherwise I’d probably have no voice, and what kind of world would that be?”
