I nodded. “You became super popular when you startedsetting swimming records, which made me so proud.” I took a breath. “But your new popularity made me feel so insecure, Tag. Girls were suddenly around all the time. At first, they were like buzzing bees, just annoying, but soon it escalated to flirting with you right in front of me. I felt so awkward standing there. You didn’t flirt back, but you’reyou—so charming and genuine—that it kind of felt like youwereflirting. You didn’t dissuade any attention. And then…” A lump formed in my throat. “And then cameBlair.”
“Lily, wait—” Tag tried, but I shook my head.
“Blair messed with my mind,” I forged onward. “Those other girls werenothingcompared to her. She pretended to befriend me so she could begin to befriendus, and then she cooled her fake friendship with me to heat something real up with you. I can pinpoint each and every…” My voice cracked. “You talked about her constantly; you studied with her more and more. I know I sound like a beyond possessive girlfriend, but that’s how anxious she made me. I worried, Tag. I worried so much. I knew she liked you, and the way things were going, I worried it was only a matter of time until you realized you liked her too.” My insides twisted. “That’s when pushing you away came into play. I became so crippled with self-doubt that I knew I could never be a worthy opponent to Blair. I pushed you away to ease the pressure, and when that didn’t work, I broke up with you.” I winced. “We’re human, so we all have our insecurities, but I’m not an insecureperson. Blair turned me intoone, and as much as I love you, I knew I needed to end things to go back to beingmyself.”
After I stopped speaking, Tag was quiet and contemplative. We sat in silence and listened to the seaside wind whip for what felt like hours. He got up and draped a blanket around my shivering shoulders before he found his voice. “No, you aren’t an insecure person,” he agreed as my heart thudded. “All your friends and family know that…including me.” He grimaced. “Which is why it never dawned on me that those girls hanging around might’ve bothered you. I admit I got caught up in the attention; I liked it a lot, especially after you grew distant. But it wasnevermy intention to pull away from you, to hurt you like that.” He took his hand off my knee to rake it through his hair. “God, Lily, I close my eyes now and see I’m the biggest asshole. I’m sorry, I should’ve realized—I won’t ever forgive myself for not realizing how you felt.”
“It would’ve been easier if I’dtoldyou how I felt,” I said. “Our communication skills went down the drain.”
“And then someone turned on the garbage disposal and obliterated them,” Tag muttered before locking eyes with me. “Blair—Lily, Ineverthought about Blair that way until after we split. She was an unexpected friend, that’s all. You’ve called me clueless before, and you’re right—I am. Honestly, I had no idea that she had an ulterior motive while we studied for statistics or when she wrote that stupid newspaper interview. I wasyours, Hops. Yours to the point where, even if you weren’t in the room, I could still feel you all over me.” His voice dropped. “You willalwaysbe all over me.”
I didn’t respond, eyes stinging and heart swollen. I felt the same way.
“Blair and I dated.” He exhaled. “She came on to me quickly, and I didn’t slow anything down because I needed a distraction from missing you. Man, did Imissyou.” He smiled sadly. “She knew that too. Blair isn’t as comfortable and confident as everyone thinks. Your name found its way into our fights and caused several of our meltdowns.” He shrugged. “Along with a whole host of other issues.”
“Then why did you keep getting back together?” I asked after wondering for so long. “If there were so many problems?”
Tag thought for a moment. “Because she was my friend,” he said. “Believe it or not, we do have some stuff in common. A shared hatred of math homework for one, but she also has extremely checked-out parents, so we bonded over that…” He trailed off. “She’s the one who suggested I see a therapist. You know, the therapist my father mentioned during my hearing.”
My eyebrows knitted together. “Seriously?”
“Yeah.” He nodded. “It was during an argument, so she didn’t suggest it in the most sensitive manner, but she did.” His lips twitched. “Dr. Perzi had some interesting hot takes. She said another reason I probably went in circles with Blair was because I should’ve been alone for a while after we broke up, but I was unhappy being single and wanted someone, and while that someone was you, you didn’t seem like you wanted or needed anyone.”
“Because I didn’t,” I told him. “I didn’t want or needanyone; I wanted, needed, andburnedfor you.”
Tag gave me a look. “Did you just quoteBridgerton?”
I gave him a look back. “Did you just admit to watchingBridgerton?”
He flushed. “You know Alex controls the remote.”
I shook my head and giggled—really, trulygiggled. Tag soon started chuckling, and then sweet tears of laughter streamed down our cheeks. “You are—” I started but dropped off when Tag burst from his chair and made a mad dash across his room to his bookcase. His trifecta of cameras sat on the top shelf.
“The light,” he said, selecting the antique camera that he coveted. “Lily, look—the light is lovely.”
Golden hour?I wondered, because that was Tag’s favorite, but when I turned, I saw the sun had nearly slipped from the sky. Instead, the world was now rose-tinted with flashes of fluorescent blue. “Not sunset…” I murmured.
“No, not sunset.” Tag rejoined me at the window. “We’re beyond that.” He grinned, then raised the camera with me in its crosshairs. “This is the afterglow.”
There was no assigned seating for school meetings, but it went without saying that seniors sat in the first several rows and freshmen toward the back. I found Pravika and Zoe in our usualsection, the third row on the far left. Sometimes Maya sat with us, but I guessed she was with her artist friends. “What are you doing here?” I asked, surprised when I noticed Tag talking to Zoe.
“Being a kind and considerate boyfriend,” he said, gesturing for me to take the empty seat between his and Zoe’s. He sat down and took my hand to kiss the inside of my wrist.
Sweet shivers ran up my arm. “Attentive too,” I noted.
He winked. “Always.”
“Back together and brutal,” Zoe said and shook her head before turning away and pulling Pravika into a conversation.
“Where’s Alex?” I quickly whispered.
“Home court.” Tag pointed to the center sector, where Alex laughed with his and Tag’s circle of friends. “We agreed not to sit together,” he said. “Apparently Rivera still has an eye on him, and if he were to see usliterallyright next to each other, I suspect…”
“He’ll jump on you,” I finished, because something told me Headmaster Bickford clearing Tag’s name from the Jester’s scheme meant nothing to Daniel. The only person he ever believed was himself.
“Exactly.” Tag nodded. “Whereas if he spots me with you, the only logical explanation is that I’m—”
“A kind and considerate boyfriend,” I parroted.
