Chapter SevenKami
He walked off, and I felt a sinking feeling inside, as though part of me were leaving, too, an important part, one I couldn’t do without, now gone forever.
But from the expression on his face, it was clear he’d made his choice, as much as it tore him up inside.
I looked at Ellie, who was also watching Taylor drive off, and I wondered what was going through her head. She seemed so sad when she turned to look at me.
“We saw Julian,” she said. And those words were enough to pull me back to reality and everything I’d been trying to escape.
“What?” I asked, feeling the fear take over my body.
“My brother says they saw him in the woods, and then he took off running,” Thiago explained.
I was unable to hold his gaze. Something inside me was broken, and being with him, even in public with my best friend, made me feel uncomfortable and incredibly guilty.
“I told you Julian was a coward,” I said, clenching my jaw.
“Coward or not, we need to tell the cops,” Thiago responded.
“Not to mention his parents,” I said. Part of me thought thatwas more important, because scared as I was, his parents were probably worried about him, and they were the ones who could get him the help he needed. I was still struggling to understand how dangerous he could be and how serious his actions were.
“Fuck his parents,” Thiago hissed. “Come on, I’ll take you home,” he said to me.
“No need,” I replied, turning to Ellie. Was she aware of the consequences of what she’d blurted out earlier at the game? Had she done it on purpose to get closer to Taylor? To make the two of us break up? Staring at her in search of answers, I felt a new and very ugly feeling growing inside me. I didn’t want to ask her for a ride because I didn’t want to be around her, or around anyone. “I’ll catch the bus,” I told them.
Ellie’s face showed she was hurt and even regretful. I was torn between anger and despair, and I needed to get out of there before I broke into tears. But as I turned to go, someone’s hand caught me by the shoulder. “You’re not taking the bus.” Thiago was looking at me as if I’d lost my mind.
“Why not?”
“Do I honestly have to tell you?”
I knew he was right, but even though Julian wouldn’t likely come at me on a bus full of people, I almost preferred risking an encounter with him than riding alone with Thiago.
“I’m gonna go with the girls,” Ellie announced, taking a step back. She looked like she wished she could just disappear. “Call you tomorrow, OK?” she said.
I didn’t respond.
I was mad at her, mad at Taylor, mad at Thiago. Mad at the whole world, dammit! And you know why? Because sometimes, when you fuck things up, instead of reflecting on your actions and accepting the consequences, you end up taking out your frustrations on the people who care about you most.
I mean, how many times have you snapped at someone who’s just asked how you’re doing? How many times have you cursed everything and everyone else in the world when you’re the one who did something wrong?
It’s crazy the way the human brain works.
“Come on, I’ll take you home,” Thiago said, starting to walk over to his motorcycle. I hesitated, then followed him, realizing that if the two brothers had taken separate vehicles, things at home must have already been tense between them. Taking your motorcycle out for a spin in September was one thing, but riding it in this weather—that took commitment.
“You know I’m going to freeze to death on that thing,” I snapped, mentally berating myself:For God’s sake, Kamila, it’s not his fault! Not all of it, anyway!
“Would you rather walk?” he retorted in a strained voice.
He handed me the black helmet he kept under the seat. I slipped it on, and it smelled like him. I couldn’t help but inhale his scent; it was intoxicating.
He gently adjusted the strap for me, and my whole body stiffened when his fingers grazed the sensitive skin of my neck. Our eyes met, and I could tell he had noticed the way he affected me. But he didn’t say anything except, “Let’s go,” before he got on the bike, releasing the kickstand and starting the motor, which roared so loud some of the nearby students turned to look.
Did Thiago realize they might think this was inappropriate? Was he worried about how it might affect his job?
I sat behind him and could feel his irritation when I gripped the handholds on the back seat instead of wrapping my arms around him, but he sped off so fast that all I could do was hold on tight.
The cold crept under the helmet, stung my face, and froze my fingers. That, and my fear as the speedometer kept climbing, made me forget any modesty or restraint, and I quickly changedmy mind, holding on to him tight. I needed to feel safe and warm, to know he wouldn’t let me fall.
