We looked but didn’t touch. I’m not going to lie. Our eyes hungered for each other. We needed a dose of each other just to get through the day. And that scared me.
Taylor was caring, attentive to my every need, and he was terrified that Julian might show up out of the blue and try to hurt me. His and Thiago’s relationship was colder than ever. They barely spoke, and Taylor seemed set on avoiding Thiago’s company—especially ifIwas around.
That made things hard because I still thought about Thiago all the time. I could hardly control my anxiety; I needed to know how he was doing. I missed him, and however hard I wished I could stop feeling that, it was impossible.
At least we still had the window.
There had been a time when he used to close the curtains to shut me out. Not anymore. Now they were always open, and I could see him whenever I wanted. I left mine open, too. They were big floor-to-ceiling windows that let in tons of light. Would you believe I had actually moved my bed? So when I lay there, trying to sleep, I could look out and see Thiago doing the same.
I was losing it; I knew that. But I needed him. It was as simple as that.
* * *
Monday was gray and windy. I got up at seven thirty, looked outside, and a chill ran through me. All I wanted was to crawl back into bed. It’s hard to leave the warmth of your blankets and the shelter of your room when all that’s awaiting you is a long day of classes and presentations—and nothing to look forward to at three o’clock but gray skies and rain.
But that was how it was. And I needed to try to get things back to normal.
My “friends”—I use quotation marks because I wasn’t sure how true their friendship was—had started talking to me again. I had the feeling, deep down, that they were only doing it because I’d become the talk of the town, thanks to Julian, and they, like everyone else, wanted to get more details out of me.
The real story had gotten buried under so many layers of lies that there were even people saying they’d seen Julian hiding out in the woods behind my house or walking around town after midnight with a rifle in hand. Some idiot spread the rumor that Julian wore a disguise and still came to school incognito.
Tall tales, that’s all they were.
But people were nervous, anxious, and I was worried, too: that he might reveal hidden secrets about the other students, ruin people’s lives, their reputations…
Julian was Carsville High’s worst nightmare, and yet, weirdly, even though everyone was scared of him, they seemed to admire him, too. I think they were in awe that somehow one single student had managed to cause such an uproar, hacking into people’s phones and computers. My best friend, Ellie, was one of his victims.
She’d asked me to come over to her place that morning and ride with her to school so she could tell me what had really happened with her and Julian—how he had managed to get her to avoid meandconvinced her to hook up with Danny, my asshole ex-boyfriend. She was scared, just like the rest of us who had been caught in Julian’s web. I knew she wouldn’t want to go into details, but I wasn’t going to let her off the hook.
I texted Taylor to let him know he didn’t need to pick me up, put on my warmest coat, my red hat, and my gloves, and left early, while my mother and brother were still asleep. My grandmother had gone home a few days ago, but with the promise thatshe’d be checking in on us to make sure no one messed with her family again.
Outside, it was as cold as the arctic. It had snowed the night before, and there were huge mounds piled up around all the houses and trees where snowplows had been clearing the streets since early that morning. The sidewalks were still glistening white, which meant I had to walk in the road. It was before sunrise, but I didn’t care. I needed a few minutes to myself. Sometimes, being alone is just what your mind needs, and since everything with Julian had gone down, nobody would leave me alone. People stared at me as if I were a time bomb about to explode, and all I wanted was for things to go back to the way they’d been before.
I looked around at the winter wonderland, admiring the precious place where I’d grown up. A lot of people said Carsville was a boring small town, but I had always liked being surrounded by nature. I loved Christmas with snowmen in the woods and summer afternoons swimming in the lake. Once we got older, we’d go there to party without the watchful eyes of adults. I loved nights camped out in the yard, looking at the stars, away from the city lights that made them difficult to see.
Carsville: a place where nothing happened, would soon be on everyone’s radar.
I got to Ellie’s house with enough time to talk before we had to go to school. When I rang the doorbell, I figured she’d be having breakfast. Her dad opened the door. He was a tall guy with dark, curly hair. Mr. Webber’s size sure made him intimidating, but I knew deep down he was nothing but a puppy dog.
“Hey, Kami! How have you been?” he asked as he motioned for me to come inside. “C’mon in, quick, it’s chilly out this morning! Did you walk all the way here?”
“Good morning, Mr. Webber. Yeah, I was in the mood for a walk. Is Ellie around?” I asked with a smile.
“Yeah, she’s having breakfast,” he said, hanging my coat, hat, gloves, and scarf on the coat tree in the vestibule. The heat inside was stifling, and I wanted to strip off more layers. I was already sweating as I followed Mr. Webber into the kitchen.
Ellie’s house wasn’t big. There was just room enough for her parents, two cats, and her. She used to always tell me how she envied my big bedroom, the huge TV in my living room, and our impressive staircase. She always wanted to come over to my house, and I always wanted to go somewhere else, to get away from the imposing decor. I usually found an excuse to end up at her place, and Mrs. Webber made one hell of an apple pie. Her house might have been small, but it was homey and always smelled of coffee and fresh-baked bread. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side.
As I entered the cozy kitchen, with its round table in the corner and light wood cabinets with little stencils of lemons, Ellie looked up from her cereal bowl with surprise, asking, “Why are you here so early?”
Her mother looked up from her newspaper and smiled. “Hello, dear! Long time no see! Can I get you some coffee? Tea? Hot chocolate? Just give me a few minutes…” She stood, laid her newspaper on the table, and walked over to the stove, ready to make whatever I asked. That was just like Mrs. Webber.
“I’d love a coffee,” I told her, smiling, because I knew if I didn’t accept something, she’d have gone on listing options for the rest of the day. I sat down next to Ellie and asked her, “What do you think about walking to school?”
I hoped she’d say yes, but she hesitated: “Don’t you think it’s a bad idea, considering that…” She trailed off.
Ellie’s parents had no idea what had been going on. Since she hadn’t been directly involved, the principal hadn’t gotten in touch with them the way he had with my parents and Taylor andThiago’s mom. Ellie had decided not to inform them because she didn’t want them worrying about a crazy kid on the loose, blackmailing half the student body.
“It’s just twenty minutes,” I told her, hoping she’d notice how much I needed her company.
