“You’re not going to do anything?” Taylor asked. We all listened attentively.
Instead of answering him, Thiago looked up at me, and I knew exactly what they’d been fighting about. Taylor followed his eyes and flew into a rage, pushing Thiago and nearly knocking him over. Members of the team stepped in to grab Taylor and separate the brothers, while Thiago stood there, calm and quiet—his expression impossible to decipher.
“You’re my brother!” Taylor shouted. “How could you?!” His teammates dragged him off through the doors to the locker room, and once the other guys had come back, the game went on.
I knew what everyone expected me to do. And as Thiago turned his attention back to the court, acting as if nothing had happened, I didn’t hesitate. Not because it was what was expected of me, not because it was the right thing to do, not even because it was my duty as his girlfriend. I did it because it mattered to me,hemattered to me, the guy who had been my companion on so many adventures, my playmate when we were kids, the guy who had protected me and made me laugh.
Taylor…
I couldn’t hurt him.
I just couldn’t.
I ran down the bleachers toward the locker rooms, passing Thiago, who grabbed my arm and stopped me. “What did you say to him?” he asked. The red mark on Thiago’s cheek was already turning purple, and his eyes showed his sadness at having broken his brother’s heart.
“Nothing,” I told him, trying to break free. Being so close to him was the last thing I wanted. And at the same time, it was what I needed most. I was so plagued with guilt, smoldering inside melike hot embers, extending through my every cell… Burning, I was burning up. I attempted to pull away, but he held me fast.
“Don’t go, Kamila,” he pleaded. “It’s not a good idea.”
I freed myself. “What’s not a good idea?” I asked. I knew it was selfish, that I shouldn’t take it out on him, that he didn’t deserve it, that neither he nor his brother had done anything wrong. It was me; it was my fault. I knew that I was projecting all the anger I felt toward myself on the one person I wanted to hurt least. “Don’t touch me!” I yelled. “This is your fault!”
He was paralyzed. He let go of me as if my skin burned his hand and took a step back.
“You’re confusing me! You always have!” I yelled.
Looking around, jaw clenched, Thiago said, “Kami, please, lower your voice.” He was calm, and that made me realize I was making a scene with the whole school watching. And I realized if I mouthed off too much, Thiago’s job could be in danger.
Stepping back, I said, “I’m sorry.”
Just then, the audience roared, and Thiago glanced at the basket.
They’d just made a three-pointer.
I took advantage of his distraction and rushed into the locker rooms.
* * *
When I walked in, I didn’t see him at first, and I thought he must have gone home. But then I heard the hissing of the showers in the back.
I approached slowly. And there he was. He still had his uniform on, but he was soaked from head to toe. His hair was dripping wet, plastered to his cheeks, and I could tell that he was crying.
I walked straight in and hugged him from behind.
He flinched, but he didn’t push me away.
I pressed my cheek into his back and wrapped my arms around him.
How could I have ever hurt him?
The kindest person I’d ever known.
His hands met mine, and for a second I thought he wanted to hold me. I thought he’d embrace me and never let me go.
But no.
He peeled himself from my embrace and turned to look me in the face. That’s when I knew I’d lost him forever.
“Do you love him?” he asked, his eyes fixed on me.
