Chapter FiveKami
The game against St. Anne’s was that Saturday. I was excited, because I’d get to see Taylor play. Things hadn’t been great between us, so going to his game seemed important, although Thiago would be there, too, and things with him were as bad as ever. Detention during my free period was tense and uncomfortable, and of course Taylor had insisted on joining me, so every day, for half an hour, the three of us sat there in near silence. It hurt to see them so distant. I couldn’t help feeling like I was caught in the middle. Thiago hardly uttered a word to me, and Taylor just growled at him if he so much as tried.
Worst of all, the night before, after I got off work, I went over to their house to watch a movie with Taylor in his room. One thing had led to another, and we ended up having sex.
The problem was me, of course. I was physically there, in his bed, but my head was somewhere else. Taylor could tell I wasn’t into it and lost his shit. He said he couldn’t understand why I didn’t want to, especially after it had been so long since the last time we’d done it. He accused me of turning colder and less caring by the day—while he hung on my every word.
I tried to tell him I was freaking out about everything: exams, work, Julian. My head was just somewhere else, but nothing I said seemed to matter; he was hurt and disappointed.
Things couldn’t go on like this. We couldn’t go on like this.
Thiago was right.
I needed to make a decision.
Ellie and I made plans to meet outside the coffee shop after I got off work so we could go to the game together. I changed my clothes, put on a bit of makeup, a wool hat, scarf, and my boots, and prepared us each a giant to-go cup of hot chocolate with Mrs. Mill’s permission. It was technically still autumn, but as far as I was concerned, winter was upon us. Ellie was still a cheerleader, so she wore her uniform under a puffy coat, and she was perfectly made up, with her hair pulled back.
I was glad she hadn’t quit the team. I enjoyed watching my friends cheer, even if I didn’t feel drawn to it in the least. It had brought me much more misery than pleasure, and I liked who I was now.
Along the way, I brought back up the subject she hadn’t wanted to talk about before: Was she really hung up on Taylor? And if not, why wouldn’t she tell me who she liked?
“I need to know now, Ellie,” I said for the fourth time as we watched the people trickling into the gym. There were already parents in the stands. I wondered if Ms. Di Bianco would come.
Ellie sighed, and I could see her breath in the cold air. “First tell me what happened with Taylor.”
“I don’t know, Ellie. I’m feeling weird about it.”
“Weird like what?” she asked. She glanced at the group of cheerleaders standing around chatting. I wasn’t sure I should open up to Ellie about this, but she was my friend, and I had been planning on telling her about my feelings for Taylor and Thiago before I’d suspected she was in love with my boyfriend… Now I wasn’t so sure…
“I’m confused,” I continued. “I’m crazy about him, I really am, but…”
She gave me a look that left me speechless, and then her words left me cold, “…but you’re even crazier about Thiago.”
“What?!” I answered without thinking.
We stared at each other, saying nothing.
Was it really that obvious?
She knew. The look on her face gave her away.
“You can hide it from everybody else, Kami, but not from me.” She looked almost disappointed as she said this. “Ever since the two of them moved back, you’ve been a completely different person. I get that your history left its mark, but I could tell from the beginning you were fixated on one of them. And it wasn’t Taylor, Kami. It was Thiago.”
“That’s not true,” I tried to argue, afraid someone would hear her and tell Taylor.
“Of course it is, Kami. And what I don’t understand is why you’re just playing with him the way you do.”
“I’m not playing with anybody,” I said, starting to feel flushed.
She groaned and dropped her arms in exasperation.
“Kami, just admit it!” she said, raising her voice, which startled me. “You don’t feel the same way for Taylor that you do for Thiago, and he knows it. I’m sure he does!”
“You’re wrong!” I retorted, my voice now on the rise as well. “The problem is thatyoulike Taylor, and you’re making all this up to confuse me!”
Ellie’s eyes opened wide as she looked beside us, where suddenly Taylor had appeared out of nowhere. They both looked at me in shock. I closed my eyes and murmured, “Shit.”
“You like me?” Taylor asked, incredulous and amused.
