“You did warn me,” she agreed, “and that’s why I’m going to start following your advice. We’re done. I don’t know what it is we have, or had, rather, but I don’t need any problems at work, and I sure as hell don’t want to be with someone who couldn’t make a commitment if his life depended on it.”
She was being a little overdramatic, and I had to choke back a laugh.
“Don’t you laugh at me, Di Bianco!”
I raised my hands and snickered as she punched me in the arm. She was smiling. “Sorry, Maggs, I’m sorry, OK! We can still be friends, though, can’t we?”
“Me, friends with you?” She turned her back to me, heading for the door.
“You’re gonna have to see me every morning of every day in this miserable teachers’ lounge. We might as well get along, right?”
“You’re insufferable,” she said over her shoulder.
“But you still like me.”
She looked back, and the faintest smile appeared on her red lips.
When lunchtime came, I looked around for Kam despite myself. It was a habit at this point. She was sitting in the cafeteria with my brother and a couple of friends, looking nervous and forlorn.
Why the long face, sweetheart? You got what you wanted—or didn’t you?
My instincts told me to get up, walk over, and hug her until a smile appeared on her pretty face. Then my eyes panned over and met my brother’s. His expression wasn’t very welcoming. I guess mine wasn’t either. It was inevitable. There was going to be a confrontation between us sooner or later. And the scary thing was, I didn’t even care.
Could the love of a woman mean more than the love of a brother?No, I told myself,no, but it could sure as hell mess things up. I wanted the best for Taylor, but he had the thing I most desired, and I was someone who played to win, whoever my opponent was.
You can’t control your feelings, and my feelings for Kam were here to stay, no matter what went down with Taylor. Did I feel guilty? Sure. But I wasn’t so sure I could ignore what was going on inside of me, feeling so destroyed day after day.
The afternoon went by quickly, or as quickly as it could when you were teaching PE to kids aged six to twelve, not to mention training older ones. I liked my job, though, and it started to dawn on me that I’d feel sad when they hired someone permanent.
I waited in the parking lot to drive Kam and my brother home. It was hard enough seeing them together every day, watching them flirt and pretend I wasn’t there. I couldn’t stop myself from lookingat her in the rearview mirror, but the worst part was when she looked back at me with those eyes of hers. Her gaze often seemed to be screaming for me to help her—rescue her, hug and kiss her, give her the world. Other times she seemed angry and serious. When our eyes met, it wasn’t long before she looked away, staring steadily out the window until our houses came into view.
I pulled into her driveway—I usually parked in mine—and Kam and Taylor got out. He always walked her to her door and said goodbye to her with a kiss on the lips.
I couldn’t watch that again.
Not today, anyway.
“Valet service,” I said, trying to ease the tension. Kam and my brother got out of the car. I heard him tell her he loved her and that they would talk later. She said she’d call him and then went inside. When Taylor got back in the car, he had a confused look on his face. “What the hell’s up with you?” I asked him as I put the car in reverse and pulled back out into the street.
“What’s up with me? What the hell’s up with you, Thiago? This has gone too far.”
I parked, cut the engine, and removed the key.
“What’s gone too far?” I asked.
“You looking at Kami like she’s your girlfriend and not mine.”
I held my breath a moment, trying to relax before firing back: “What the fuck are you talking about, Taylor?” I saw the fight coming, but I wanted to avoid it because I wasn’t sure our relationship would make it through it intact.
“What the fuck am I talking about? Do you think I’m blind?”
I got out, and he did the same. He came around to me, and I had to remind myself that he was my brother and I shouldn’t start a fight, least of all over a girl.
“There’s nothing between Kam and me,” I said, and I could taste the hypocrisy on my tongue.
“You son of a bitch. How dare you lie straight to my face. She told me, Thiago! The difference is you can’t stop looking at her like you want to fuck her.”
“Well, maybe I do.”
