“We were very close to kissing,” Charlie admits.
“And the other time, we almost…” I stop short of sayingkissed, because it doesn’t capture where things were heading. I was seconds away from tearing off his clothes while my grandmother was in the next room.
“We almost,” he agrees.
I watch him from the corner of my eye. “So what happened?”
“It seems I’ve developed self-control in my midthirties,” he says.
I wait as he looks at me, his gaze roaming my face like he’s memorizing each feature, lingering on my lips. He’s still except for the rise and fall of his chest.
“I want you,” he rasps. His stare makes me feel like it’s an effort not to touch me, and I know he’s telling the truth. “And I think we both know that if we start something now, it’s not going to end with a kiss.”
“That’s presumptuous,” I say, but my voice is hoarse.
I’m very aware that we are on a bed, that all that stands between us is a few inches of space and layers of fabric.
“Am I wrong?”
He’s right. If I get my mouth on his, it’s not going to stop there. I don’t want it to. Our almost-kiss was mind-blowing. I can’t imagine how good the real thing would be. But before I admit it, Charlie tucks a tendril of hair behind my ear.
“I don’t want to jeopardize our friendship, Alice,” he says. “Not even for sex.”
“What about for great sex?”
He shakes his head, a smile tugging on his lips. “Not for that, either.”
“What are you doing on the couch?”
My eyelids flutter open to find Nan standing over me. I’m disoriented until I remember the chocolate and the unicorn puzzle and collapsing face down on the sofa after I walked Charlie to the door.
“I must have passed out.”
“Good night?”
I think of Charlie’s thumb brushing my knee and asking him to kiss me.
“We got into your chocolate.”
“Delightful, isn’t it? Really loosens you up.”
“It loosened my tongue, that’s for sure.”
I fix Nan her toast and my eggs, and we eat at the table together. She’s quiet as we begin sewing a tablecloth, not sullen, but contemplative. I’m not much chattier. I’ve been thinking about what Charlie said last night about risking our friendship, and I don’t think I agree with him. I’ve never been able to untangle sexfrom romance, but Charlie isn’t a stranger. I’m attracted to him, and neither of us wants a relationship. It could be the first step to a whole new Alice—my hookup training wheels. Nothing complicated. No expectations. Just a fling with the boy across the bay until the end of summer.
I’m finishing the hem when Nan says, “Your grandfather was my closest friend, aside from Joyce.”
“I know,” I tell her. “I remember how you were together. You were always laughing when Grandpa was around.”
Her eyes glisten. “I knew I’d never fall in love again, but I do miss the connection we had. I miss having him here to laugh with.”
“You can laugh with me.”
She puts her hand over mine. “And I’m grateful for that. Having grandchildren is a truly special thing, but it’s not the same, of course.”
I nod, and she studies me. “When I see you and Charlie together, it reminds me of myself and your grandfather.”
“Because we laugh?” I ask quietly.
