“What do you mean?”
He scrubs a hand over his face, blowing out a heavy breath. “I mean this isn’t a good idea. You and I, doing this again.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” I take a step back, both arms lifting to wrap reflexively around my middle. “It’s not agood idea? That isn’t what you thought last night.”
“I know what I thought last night. And it’s not—I don’t—it’s not that Iregretit. I don’t. I just—”
A brittle laugh finds its way up out of my chest. “You don’t regret it. Right. And that’s why you’re suddenly changing your mind on all this again—because you regret sleeping with me exactly zero percent.”
I can’t believe we’re having this conversation again. After all this time—aftereverything.He still sees me as someone who needs protecting. Someone who can’t make her own decisions. Or maybe he doesn’t feel like I do, that we’re inevitable.
Maybe last night, when I thought we felt the same way, I was wrong. Maybe it was all in my head.
And he’s still squinting at the wall like it might be hiding an escape route from this conversation.
“Can you at leastlook at me?” I say, and he finally does. His eyes are huge and doleful, like a kicked puppy’s. I really wish hewasn’t so good at making facial expressions that make me feel like an asshole.
“Nothing has changed since the last time we talked about this—”
“Everything has changed. What do you even mean?”
“You’re a studentunder my care,” he presses on doggedly. “Not to mention, you just relapsed. And we’re both obviously going through stuff.”
This has gotta be a fucking joke.
“I never should have brought you home with me,” he continues.
“And why is that?” I ask, even though I know the answer. I can’t help the tears in my eyes. I cry when I get angry. And right now—right now, I’m fucking furious.
But I don’t think I ever could have predicted the actual words that come out of his mouth next.
“It was a bad idea. You told me about what happened with your own family. Bringing you home to mine was…You still haven’t really faced your family, have you?”
“Excuse me?”That came out of left fucking field.
“That’s why you are struggling so much with your project. You’re avoiding them.”
It feels like he’s shoved me and I’ve toppled all too easily. I’m left choking on my own rage. He’s coming up with every goddamn reason we shouldn’t give in, because god forbid he let himself want me. Godforbidhe relinquish one ounce of control.
And I hate him even more because I fuckingfall for it.
“Wow,” I say. “Low blow, thanks. Easy for you to say consideringyourfamily welcomed you back with open arms. At least you get to have a family. I went with you to North Carolina to face them, for your father’s funeral, and backthenit was okay to sleep with me. So what does that make me? Your security blanket?”
I pace the brief distance to my bed and back, wishing I couldstop myself from crying. But unfortunately, the old angry cry is back again. It’s a curse.
“Fuck you,” I mutter. “Fuck you, fuckyou. Fuck all of this.” The tears are coming too fast to stop now. I wish Wyatt would be decent enough to turn his goddamn back.
So convenient, Wyatt’sboundaries. All firm and self-righteous, right up until he’s all fragile and needs some warm human comfort.
Wyatt has the decency to look hurt by what I said, and for a second I regret it. He’s given me no reason to think he isn’t full of shit, but that’s…It’s so inconsistent with the man I know. The man IthoughtI knew, at least.
Maybe I’m the problem—maybe it’s the same story playing out over and over again. It’s not even about me being his student at all. It’s justme. Maybe it’s the same thing Chaya said: that I’m too intense. I’m too much for anyone—no one can stand to be too close.
And I’m too cowardly to face the consequences of my own mess.
I swipe both hands across my wet cheeks, furious with myself for not seeing it sooner. I’ve been humiliating myself this entire time, throwing myself at him repeatedly. He doesn’t want me. He pities me.
“I’m not trying to hurt you.” Wyatt’s voice is gentle, as if he’s trying to calm a wounded animal. “I know it doesn’t seem like it right now, but I promise this is the best thing for both of us.”
