Untrue, as Dara had no way of knowing this was what Noam wanted to talk about. But Noam kept that particular comment to himself.
“We don’t have to,” Noam said quickly, because even though he already—ugh—knew all the dirty details, he didn’t want to discuss them with Dara either.
“But,” Dara finished for him, tone flat.
“But,” Noam said, “Dara, have you... told anyone?” Someone who could put a stop to the abuse. Someone who could be a support for Dara when he needed it. Obviously Lehrer and Dara had problems, but Lehrer still cared. If he knew Dara was in trouble, he’d intervene. Even so, Noam sucked in a steadying breath before he could make himself say, “At the very least, you have to tell Lehrer.”
“Tell him what, exactly?” Dara snapped. All at once the pretense of insouciance vanished, replaced by a savage anger. “That I fucked his friend? Lehrer wouldn’tcare. He’d say, ‘I should have known you’d throw yourself at him eventually’ and laugh.” Dara moved forward, his eyes gleaming like black glass in the lamplight. “Because, as you’ve astutely pointed out, that’s what I do. I’d fuck absolutelyanyone.”
Noam swallowed. It shouldn’t hurt; Dara hadn’t said it like that to—to cut. But it did anyway. Because that was Noam. Noam wasabsolutely anyone.
“This is different,” Noam said, once he was sure he could speak. Dara was too close. He’d been drinking again; Noam could smell the alcohol. “General Ames raped you.”
It was the wrong word. Dara recoiled, cheeks flushing dark. “No. He didn’t.”
“You were fifteen, Dara, and he’s... it can’t have been consensual.”
“Well, it was.” Dara’s shoulders shook with each shallow breath. “Not only was it consensual, but I liked it. Ilovedit.” He hurled the word toward Noam like a live grenade. “There’s something so much better about being with someone older, isn’t there? Someoneexperienced.”
It was Noam’s turn to flinch.Don’t react. Don’t react.
The sharp curl to Dara’s lips suggested he knew exactly what he’d said and how Noam felt when he said it. He took a step toward the door.
“Dara,” Noam started, but Dara ignored him.
No, fuck that, he couldn’t just walk away from this—
Noam grasped Dara’s arm. It was like touching white-hot iron. He yelped and stumbled back, Dara’s magic sparking over skin.
“Don’t you touch me,” Dara hissed, and he shoved Noam so hard he nearly knocked him off his feet. “Don’t youfuckingtouch me.”
“I’m sorry,” Noam said. “I didn’t—”
“You should mind your own goddamn business, Álvaro.”
Dara pushed Noam again, rougher this time. Noam’s head slammed into the wall. Silver stars burst behind his eyes, a searing pain that made him gasp. Dara’s face swam before him, blood-drained and furious.
This time, when Dara left, Noam didn’t bother chasing him.
Noam spent over an hour in the bathroom with the door locked and the water on, huddled under the heat with steam filling his lungs. His argument with Dara played on an unending loop in the back of his mind.
He should have let it go. Dara was right. It was none of Noam’s goddamn business, and if Dara wasn’t ready to talk about it, well, that was that.
He sat down on the tile floor and stared at his arms resting atop his knees. Training bruises he got sparring with Lehrer blossomed beneath his skin, all ages and colors. A sudden sickness knotted in his stomach—Dara killed Lehrer’s best friend. What would Lehrer do when he learned Noam was hiding Dara’s betrayal from him?
And Lehrerwouldfind out. Sooner or later.
Noam stayed until the water went cold. It was only when he had turned off the shower and started toweling himself off that a knock came at the door.
“Noam?” Dara’s soft voice said. “Are you all right in there?”
Noam froze where he stood in the middle of the bathroom, towel around his waist and comb halfway through his hair.
“I’m fine.”
A heavy sound, perhaps Dara leaning against the shut door. Noam imagined him in his drabs with the sleeves rolled up, one hand on the doorframe.
“Let me in?” Dara asked.
