“We better go,” I say, and Tex shoots to his feet to make way for Daisy and Briar to exit.
I scoot toward Bennett, but he doesn’t move. His pupils zero in on me, severe and searching. I don’t know what he wants from me.Am I supposed to say that it’s okay and I don’t mind that he apparently slept with a quarter of the student population last year? Should I tell him how angry it makes me, even when I have no right to be?
Whatever reaction it is that he wants, I don’t plan on giving it to him.
“I’ll see you later,” I say breezily, and he finally relents.
I walk right past him and out the door, into the chilling fog.
CHAPTER 25
Clover
“Wait!”
The three of us are halfway down the sidewalk when I turn to see Bennett jogging toward us, pulling his arms through his jacket.
“You guys go ahead,” I tell Briar and Daisy.
“Are you sure?” Briar asks, and if I weren’t dreading whatever is about to come next, I would feel touched by her hard-earned affection.
“I’m good,” I tell her.
Daisy gives me a tight hug, and I let myself sag against her for a moment. She steps back and earnestly says, “We’re just across the hall if you need us.”
Suddenly, I remember our discussion in the laundry room a few weeks ago. Forgiveness is only done willfully. It doesn’t just happen.
“Can we talk?” Bennett asks once he catches up to me. “Please?”
I suck in a deep breath and nod.
“I’m parked not far from here,” he tells me. “Come on. You gotta be cold.”
I follow him the two blocks to his car, staying just a step or two behind. I can’t bring myself to look at him right now or even talk, because suddenly I’m fifteen again and it’s that last day of summer.
I was wearing a dress I loved and had been saving for a special occasion. It was white with straps that tied into bows.
Josh. We’d spent all summer talking back and forth, about topics from the insignificant to immense. From the moment I met him, we had this sudden and intense bond. A lifeline. He was someone I didn’t realize I needed until he was there, from his first text in the morning to the last person I said good night to. And everything that happened in between.
I should have been more savvy. More suspicious. But talking to him felt as natural as breathing.
I was in Texas when he messaged and asked if we could meet. He said things that made me blush. Things I’d only dreamed of a boy saying to me, much less one I was in love with.
I couldn’t get home soon enough. I kept imagining the colors of the fireworks reflecting off the white fabric of my dress as we met—and maybe even kissed—for the first time.
The So Long, Summer party at the Cannon Beach Country Club was the most beloved event of the year. Even when it rained, I remember people jumping into the pools and dancing in the muddy grass.
That year, we were gifted clear skies. Bennett had gone ahead with his friends, and I went with my mom and Sydney, who curled my hair. The three of us sat in her bathroom and they both seemed to know something was up.
“I’m meeting a boy,” I finally said, unable to contain my excitement. “He goes to CBHS and his name is Josh. We’ve been chatting for a while, but he’s been out of town all summer.”
Sydney gasped as she unwound my curl from the barrel and then held it coiled in her hand as she waited for it to cool. “Our little Clo has a gentleman caller!”
Mom looked wary and Sydney dropped my curl to smack her on the shoulder. “Beth, come on. No one meets in person anymore.”
“And we’re meeting at the rocking chairs out back, Mom,” I told her.
“That’s basically as public as you can get,” Sydney said.
