He lifted his burger in agreement.
Bee and Nolan’s reception had been chef’s-kiss perfection. They’d rented a clear plastic dome tent and had set it on a huge mat in the middle of the Christmas Notch ice-skating rink. Some guests gyrated on the dance floor while others took laps around the ice.
It was really fucking charming, to be honest. I didn’t test my fate on the ice though. I was a Southern California girl through and through, and the only ice I was interested in was the kind that chilled my beverages. Especially the little pebble kind fromSonic that Bee had introduced me to. How was it so incredibly superior?
Luca dabbed delicately at the corner of his mouth as though he weren’t absolutely housing his concession-stand burger, which had been brought in as part of a heap of burgers on a sterling serving tray like my own personal fifth-grade fantasy. “I saw you swiping on your phone... Is Sunny Palmer on the prowl tonight? Missing Jack’s stepmom?”
“That was one time,” I reminded him. “One glorious time.” It truly had been glorious. Jack had only just begun to forgive me for boning his stepmom, but I could never be sorry for the good time I showed Rebecca.
Bee plopped down beside me and her skirt poofed up so that it rivaled her boobs for attention. “We have a situation,” she said.
I dropped the burger and stuffed the phone into my bra. “What is it?” I asked. “Paparazzi? Handsy drunk uncle? Is Winnie double-pregnant somehow?”
With terror in her eyes, my best friend said the four words she’d been dreading since her first wedding-dress fitting. “I have to pee.”
I punched my fist into my palm like I was ready to step into a wrestling ring for this girl—and I would. “We’re going to smash this,” I said just as Luca said, “You’re sure you can’t hold it?”
“Luca,” I said, “there are serious medical complications caused by holding it.” I stood and held a hand out for Bee as I pulled her to her feet. “We need Bee’s puss in full working order for her upcoming honeymoon.”
Luca threw his napkin to the table with a slight bit of outrage. “I don’t trust you two to handle this delicate matter on your own.”
Of course, Luca loved Bee. In his own way. But the dress he’d designed for her walk down the aisle was truly his pride andjoy. And if he had to choose Bee or the dress, I couldn’t be sure which way he’d sway. Plus he’d once seen her drunkenly pee on one of my ex’s mailboxes, and her aim hadn’t been great.
The thing about holding your wedding at an ice-skating rink is that the bathrooms are just frigid little concrete buildings where nuts and nipples shrivel and the floor is constantly damp.
With all six of our hands full of tulle, we held Bee’s dress up from the ground before even walking inside.
“Guys, I really need us to hustle here,” Bee said with a whimper.
“This is an act of precision,” Luca told her as we backed into the handicap stall. “This garment was not designed to absorb urine. I told you to wear an incontinence diaper.”
“Yeah, that didn’t really feel very sexy,” she said.
“Okay,” I said as we approached the porcelain throne. “Here’s our game plan. Luca and Bee, you two hold up the layers. I’m going in.”
“I trust you,” Bee said as I dropped into a squat and dove under her dress in search of underwear.
“For what it’s worth,” I said, “diapers can be very comfortable.”
“Do I want to know what experience you have with diapers?” Luca asked.
“Just believe me when I say she knows what she’s talking about,” Bee told him.
“I’ve got the panties,” I said as I tugged down on the light blue lacy boyshorts I’d bought Bee to wear today. “The dress is in the clear. You can sit—or squat. Whatever you prefer.”
I stood up to help with the skirt, and Bee eased down with a sigh as she began to let go and let God.
In my bra, my phone vibrated as it chirped with my Spark app notification.
“I know what that sound means,” Luca said. “You’ve got a match.”
Bee let out a squeal. “No one goes home alone from my wedding, baby!”
The reception went on for another hour or so. I even got Teddy out on the dance floor, and he surprised everyone by knowing a popular dance from TikTok, even though it was a few years too late. That man was full of secrets, and I would fight to the death for that fact to be on his headstone one day.
The remaining guests who had made it to the very last dance lined the sidewalk outside the skating rink as we waited for Bee and Nolan to take off to the mansion on their getaway trolley.
“Here they come!” one of the strippers—Dancer, maybe—whispered beside me.
