Isaac nodded. “If that happens—and it’s not going to—I’ll deserve the people prison.”
I ran my fingers through Isaac’s hair, tucking it behind his ear, just because I could. “Um, by the way, I think I’m a part-time diaper mogul now,” I told my best friend.
Bee’s hand flew to her chest, and she yanked me toward the library. “Isaac, you’re an honorary husband. Go do husband things!”
I couldn’t help but giggle as Isaac shrugged, a sheepish smile playing at his lips, and Nolan unloaded some of his bounty into Isaac’s arms.
Bee and I sat on my drafting sofa, the light from the Christmas tree in the neighboring living room casting a soft glow. We curled into each other and I began to unfurl the tale of the last twenty-four hours. It wasn’t long before Winnie shuffled downstairs, still in her pajamas and slippers. She cuddled up alongside me under a fuzzy blanket and rested her head in my lap as I told them the story of my miraculous mailman and then about Blitzen coming to the rescue and Isaac.
Winnie yawned as she shook off the last bit of sleep. “Sunny, I’m so happy for you, and I know I haven’t seen any of your pages yet, but I wish I could star in your Hope Channel movie. It sounds like it’s going to be epic, and maybe a little sexy too? But what I really need to know is, do you think you could replenish my diaper supply again?”
I laughed. “I’m about halfway done, but I will send you pages the minute you want them. And, of course, your diaper wishes are my command.”
She sighed with relief. “Good. Because I’m going to need you to double the order. It’s twins this time.”
I pounced on Winnie. “You got a baby BOGO! Buy one get one free!”
Winnie giggled and hid her head under the blankets.
Bee ripped back the blanket and gave her a big kiss on the cheek. “Congrats, Win!”
“Thanks,” she said. “Kallum’s already got plans to start his own little girl band with all three of them and his brother-in-law Topher thinks we should start an e-sports league.”
Bee squealed. “Two more girls!”
“Two more girls,” I chanted with two peace signs in the air like Richard Nixon but hotter and less corrupt. “Two more girls! Two more girls!”
Teddy walked in and, without a word, began pacing back and forth in front of us. His forehead was damp with sweat, and he wore fleece Homer Simpson pajama pants and a T-shirt that saidmy tummy hurts, but i’m being brave about it.
“I think I’m having hot flashes,” he whispered. “Can men experience sympathy menopause? I gotta get this proposal thing over with before I lose the ring.”
Bee stood and stepped directly into his path. “Teddy, eyes on me.”
He nodded and zoned in on her as she placed her hands on his shoulders. “Now, just breathe.”
“Can’t breathe. Too much to worry about to waste time breathing. What if the party is a bad idea?” he asked. “Does Steph even like parties? The only time she goes to parties is when she wants to maneuver through a crowd like a shark looking for her next kill.”
“Oh, Teddy,” said Winnie, “Steph is going to love it.”
He turned to her with wide, manic eyes. “You can’tknowthat. None of us can know that. Steph is an unknowable woman. That’s what I love most about her. She’s a goddamn onion that I’ll be peeling until the day I die.”
Just then, Kallum ducked in with Grace on his shoulders, who was currently using his head as a bongo. “Breakfast is ready!” He looked to Winnie in her fleece onesie, her belly subtly curved with their twins. “God, you’re so hot.” And then to Teddy. “You too, brother, but in a sweatier way. You okay?”
Teddy nodded. “None of your business, pizza boy.”
Kallum shrugged as Teddy walked past him and Winnie came up and relieved him of his head bongo duties.
“Merry Christmas, Gracie baby,” she said. Grace shrieked and fell into her mother’s arms. “Merry Christmas, Pizza Daddy.”
Kallum gave her a long kiss as Grace blew a raspberry at them both.
“Come on,” Bee said as she pulled me up from the couch. “You must be starving after all your filthy Christmas Eve sex.”
“We did work up an appetite,” I told her with a happy sigh.
Jack and Steph were already waiting in the dining room along with Teddy’s daughter, Astrid, who had just driven up from town this morning after flying in yesterday before the storm. She came straight in from London from an event called PleasureCon, where she was presenting her new line of carbon neutral sex toys to European vendors. And she even picked up Christmas crackers at Heathrow, so after much arguing on how to open said crackers, we all donned our paper crowns and read our punny jokes and oohed over our cheap little trinkets.
We passed around plates of Kallum’s homemade breakfast pizza and scrambled eggs courtesy of Isaac. The champagne bucket was full of Capri-Suns and Steph circled the table pouring wine for anyone who had “enough taste to know better.”
