Wasn’t it enough that I had to deal with a nemesis? Why did that nemesis also have to waste so much of my time? “You already leaked the video. I literally have no incentive not to.”
“But—the launch.” She cleared her throat, lifted her chin. Looked like she was trying to project a confidence she didn’t feel. “You wouldn’t risk the PR damage to the show, to Lemon Tree.”
I thought about it for a moment. Would I risk the damage? Did it matter?The planwas already out the window—and honestly, the only thing I cared about right now was getting my cast members some Gatorade and then apologizing to my bodyguard.
It turned out the plan wasn’t the most important thing in my life after all.
“No, I think I’d risk it,” I said. “All the victims of the shrimpening deserve justice. It’s over, Cassie.”
“Wait,” she said. “Allthe victims?”
Before I could answer, Mack charged in from the wings, his eyes wild behind his designer glasses. “We just lost the psychic vampire and the problematic-history vampire,” he hissed. “They both danced offstage and hurled onto the pile of JanSport backpacks!” Then he seemed to notice the strange standoff we were having with his assistant. He readjusted his glasses and blinked. “Cassie? Why are you wearing a wig?”
“She poisoned the cast members so she could have the lead role,” I explained.
Cassie shook her head hard. “I only meant to poison the Isabels! Everyone knows they love shrimp!”
“It’s a cruise! Everyone’s eating shrimp!” I said.
Mack, for his part, was the most motionless I’d ever seen him. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but are youadmittingthat you poisoned everyone?”
“I’m justsayingthat I only meant to poison two of them! And it’s not real poison! I just set the shrimp out in the sun for a few hours and put some ipecac in the cocktail sauce for good measure!”
“Whoa,” said a voice from behind me. I turned my head to see my cousin Bailey with her phone in one hand and a giant margarita in the other. She was recording the whole thing.
Gretchen Young, Pearl’s girlfriend, was next to her, also with a giant margarita. Eyes still on the scene in front of her, she lowered her mouth to the straw sticking out of her drink and took a noisy sip.
“I’ll need that recording, Bailey,” Krysta said in the crisp tones of someone who had seen enough and was ready to move things along. “Cassie, you can come with me.”
Cassie stepped back. “Come with you where?”
Krysta stared at her. Her expression was colder than I’d ever seen it, sharp with dislike. “To the security office, obviously. They’ll hold you there until we reach LA tomorrow morning.”
“Oh,” Bailey breathed. “Thebrig! Just like in the movies!”
Cassie’s mouth fell open. “I’m not getting locked up for this.”
“All crimes against American citizens on a cruise ship are investigated by the FBI,” Krysta stated, “and I think they’ll be very interested to hear about how you ‘only planned to poison two people.’ They might also be interested in your attempted blackmail.”
“You’re wrong,” Cassie said. Her voice shook. “You’re so fucking wrong—you’re—” Her hands twitched by her sides like she was going to throw a punch.
“Do it,” Krysta said. Her face was a mask of ice. “I’d love to have an excuse.”
But Cassie didn’t swing at Krysta. With a scream, she lunged at me, hands out like she was going for my beautiful LASIKed eyeballs. I yelped and hopped back—but I needn’t havebothered. Krysta caught Cassie easily around the waist with one arm, and with a move that I wanted her to try with me someday, she slung Cassie over one shoulder. The assistant twisted and scratched, but she was no match for Krysta’s effortless strength.
With no other fanfare, Krysta turned and carried a still-struggling Cassie toward the backstage door. Cassie’s wig fell off and dropped onto the floor with a gentle, synthetic hiss.
“To the brig!” Bailey cheered, still filming.
Gretchen slurped more margarita and then said, “This cruise is amazing.”
Krysta and Cassie disappeared through the door, and Mack swiveled his head to look at me. “I... trusted her,” he said numbly. “Callie was the best assistant I ever had.”
“It’s Cassie, and you’re a really bad boss,” I told him just as Pearl floated in from the wings.
“It’s almost the prom scene and the entire ensemble is currently outside the theater puking off the balcony,” Pearl said calmly. “Only our leads are left, and Isabel is looking like she’s in worse and worse shape.”
We all stared at her.
