I nodded. “Yeah. Almost always.”
She nodded quickly. “Okay, just checking. It’s, like, one of those things you always say about yourself, but I wasn’t actually sure if it was like when people say they don’t celebrate their birthday, but then when no one remembers, they’re sad.”
“Yeah, it’s not like that. Surprises stress me out.”
She gave me two thumbs-up. “Cool, cool, cool. So . . . your moms are here.”
My eyes began to tingle as tears pooled, and I let out a partially excited, partially overwhelmed shriek. “My moms! They’re here? Like, here-here? In Christmas Notch?”
Sunny pulled my arm and dragged me toward the inn. “Yes! Here-here! And there wasn’t a room ready for them yet, so they left their bags in your room and gave Teddy a bouquet of beef jerky for Christmas, like he’s your fourth-grade teacher or something.”
“My room?” I asked.
“I dumped your bag of toys in the minifridge. Don’t worry. As if they don’t already know what an avid collector their daughter is.”
“Oh my God, I can’t believe they’re here!” I bounced as we walked under the carport and into the lobby. “Sunny, were you in on this?”
“I wouldn’t sayinon it, but yes, they did take my temperature. P.S., Mama Pam is looking fiiiiiiiine after ditching the highlights and letting the grays come in.”
“Drop it,” I said, like she was a very naughty German Shepherd.
“I can admire without touching and exorcize my mommy issues from a distance, thank you very much.”
“There she is!” Mom said from across the lobby bar as she stood to meet me. Next to her, Mama Pam immediately welled up with tears.
I pushed past the crew members all congregating at the barin search of Christmas cheer, and within seconds my moms’ arms were wrapped around me in a familiar embrace. “You’re here,” I whispered.
“Couldn’t miss out on sharing Christmas with our Bee,” Mom said. “And a white Christmas no less!” She stood back, and I noticed she and Mama Pam wore matching monochromatic outfits except in different colors. Mom, tall and slender, wore red pants with a red cable knit sweater and matching puffer vest while Mama Pam, more round and petite, wore the exact same thing except in hunter green. After I moved out, they began to coordinate their outfits a lot more than I remembered them doing before.
“You both look great,” I said.
Mama Pam wiped tears from her cheeks. “Well, thanks, dear. According to Sunny, the gays love to match.” And then she wound her arms around me again for another hug.
I waved to Teddy at the bar as he saluted me with a stem of beef jerky. On the televisions hanging above him, a weatherman in a navy-blue sweater embroidered with snowflakes pointed at some charts as the scrolling headline read “An Even Whiter Christmas for Vermont!”
“Fuck that fucking fuck!” someone behind us snapped, and half the lobby bar froze like they were in trouble.
I almost used my hands as earmuffs on Mama Pam even though she’d said worse while bowling with her Rainbow League bowling team, the Twink Ladies.
The source of the voice was none other than Nolan’s sexy and absolutely terrifying manager, Steph. She shook her fist atthe weatherman on-screen as she barreled through the crowd with her suitcase rattling behind her. “Every plane in this maple-soaked hellscape is grounded for weather.”
Teddy silently laughed into his fist as Steph plopped down beside him and whistled at Stella behind the bar. “What’s bigger than a double?” she barked.
“Looks like we got here just in time,” Mom said as she eyed Steph.
“Seriously,” I muttered. “Gretchen and Pearl are planning a really nice dinner for everyone who’s not going home for the holidays, so I’m sure you can both—”
“Actually,” Sunny said as she stepped into our tight circle. “They both had to go back to L.A. at the last minute because someone’s sister was going into labor or... something. I’m not sure. But I guess they were on the last flight out, so Teddy is hosting the dinner.”
“Oh. Lovely,” Mom said. “I can’t say I ever wondered what Christmas Eve with Teddy might be like, but we’re just so thankful to be with you here.” She pulled Sunny to her. “You too, Sunny.”
The four of us melted into another reunion hug and for a moment, I felt like I could have it all. I could star in the silly Christmas movie and have the ex–boy band member boyfriend. I could have my ClosedDoors fan base and one foot in the porn industry. I could be every version of myself without any sacrifice at all.
When Teddy learned he was now in charge of the crew dinner, he moved it from Kringle’s to the Dirty Snowball and announced that everyone was entitled to cheese fries, wings, and a pitcher of beer, which according to him was a Christmas feast.
I walked with my moms and Sunny through the snow as the thick flurries began to come down in heavier bursts. I showed my moms around the town, though all the shops were now closed and just a few lights glowed within.
As we passed the church, my chest swelled at my last memories there with Nolan. Because he booked his flight last minute, he had two layovers but should be landing in Kansas City within the next hour. This morning felt like weeks ago, and I didn’t know how I’d survive not existing in the same zip code as him. Even when we were apart here in Christmas Notch, I could feel him. I could sense his presence, and it was the kind of knowledge that soothed me.
