I’d forgotten! Today the entire cast and crew had a day off, and tonight Gretchen and Pearl had invited anyone who wanted to go out to dinner and karaoke for a cast and crew night out. I didn’t know how likely it was, but the thought of Nolan singing to me was enough to make me come on the spot. Before that happened, though, I had other plans.
His fingertips dragged along my hips as I rolled over and sat up onto my knees, straddling him. We both let out searing moans as our naked lower halves came into contact.
His eyes darkened as he dug his fingers into my hips and prepared to spear my wet cunt with his dick. I nearly whimpered at the thought, but managed to pull myself free, as I slid along the length of him, the head of his cock briefly gliding across my throbbing clit.
“Fuck,” he whispered.
I panted in response. It was so tempting to just give in to afuriously fast fuck, but if this was really our first and last hurrah, I was going to milk it—literally. “In a minute, I promise. But I never skip breakfast,” I said as I slithered farther down the bed and lowered my head to his shaft, already dripping with precome. I gripped the base and ran my tongue along the underside.
His legs stiffened as he groaned. “Bee. You’re going to kill—”
I devoured his arousal, letting it sink to the back of my throat before he could finish that thought. His fists burrowed into my hair and pulled as he thrust into my mouth. I moaned around him, becausefuck, this was so hot, this was so hot, and I’d had enough hot sex in my life to base a six-season HBO drama on. And when he swelled and came down my throat, I had to slide my own hand between my legs to soothe the need there. In a few slippery seconds, I was right there with him, brought to the edge by nothing more than sharing space with him, touching him, tasting him. I never knew my body could feel like it was made for someone else.
But of course, it would be made for someone I could never fully have.
“Oh my God, oh my God,” Nolan said breathlessly, his chest heaving. “You killed me. You literally sucked the life out of me. Holy fuck, Bee. I’m done. I’m dead. I’m—tell my family I love them. If this is how I go, so be it.”
A wild giggle rippled through me as I bounced to his side, completely invigorated by the toe-curling orgasm I just gave him and myself. I tore off my shirt and said, “Male, age thirty-one. Deadly blow job. Doc, we’re losing him!” I pulled his limp arms to me and held his warm hands on my tits as Irubbed them together like two defibrillator paddles. “Charging!” I said, and made a buzzing noise before shaking both our hands, my heavy breasts bouncing. “Clear!”
He pulled me down to him so that my chest was pressed against his. “That’s better,” he whispered with new life in his eyes. “I think I needed close contact for it to work.”
After a few more positions—including one Nolan said Kallum called Tossing the Dough—we both lay in a sweaty, spent pile on the floor, sheets tangled around us.
“Fucking on a bed has never felt so inadequate,” Nolan said.
“We didn’t even make use of the heart-shaped tub,” I said, hoping that maybe this one-time thing didn’t have to actually be a one-time thing, even though I knew better.
“It would have been my first heart-shaped tub,” said Nolan, sounding a little sad that he’d missed out on that. “I don’t have very many firsts left, you know.”
“Me neither,” I said in a deadpan voice, and he laughed, turning his head on the floor to look at me after he did. The smile slowly slid off his lips as his bright blue gaze searched my face.
Despite the sex hanging in the air—despite the silvery winter sunshine pouring in through the window—it almost felt like we were teenagers staying the night at each other’s houses. Like we were about to whisper secrets to each other while sad indie music played in the background.
“Do you like doing it?” he asked. “The porn?”
There was no judgment in his tone, no disbelief. Only curiosity.
I wasn’t bothered by the question. It was one I was used tofielding, and given that I was currently doing something that was very muchnotporn, it was a fair one for someone to ask. But I still took a moment to answer, trying to fuse all of my disparate feelings and dreams into a single, coherent response. “Idolike doing porn,” I finally said. “And I’ve carved out this career for myself where I have almost as much control as a performer and creator can have. I’ve taken something I loved to do and made it work even better for me. But porn isn’t forever, and I guess I feel like if I need to be aware of my future, then why not use something I’ve always wanted to do anyway?”
“And being here?” Nolan asked, still looking at me. “Has it made you feel like you want to keep doing mainstream work?”
“I think so,” I said, turning my head to smile back up at the ceiling. I thought of the dizzy pace of filming, the flurry of preparations, the dopamine-laced high of shooting a really strong take. “I mean, yes. It has. When I’m Bianca, Iamthe fantasy, but as Bee Hobbes, actress, I get to live inside the fantasy too. I love doing both, but they’re not the same, and I think I hadn’t realized how much I needed the latter until I came here.”
“So afterDuke the Halls, will you keep doing... you know?”
“Porn, you mean?” I picked idly at the carpet. Even though it was only a couple weeks away, the post–Duke the Hallsfuture felt like another world—another dimension, even. One I couldn’t see into yet. “I wish I had some strategic five-year plan for that, but I don’t know yet. I want to do more mainstream acting, but I don’t think I’m ready to give up performing either. And doing both at the same time feels like it will take becoming a wizard or lots of lying, and I’m not a wizard. And I don’t want to be a liar either.”
“That makes sense,” Nolan said, and there was more than sincerity in his voice now. There was empathy too.
But when I looked at him and opened my mouth to ask what he thought, an insistent buzzing noise filled the room.
Nolan sat up. “Shit. What time is it?” he asked as he stumbled to his feet and reached for the jeans I’d thrown over the TV last night. He took his phone from the nightstand and stepped over me and into the bathroom.
I didn’t want to be a creep. I was totallynotgoing to be a creep and scoot closer to the closed bathroom door so I could hear his muffled, suddenly serious voice. So instead I held my breath and tried to listen from the exact spot on the floor where he’d left me. It was still early, and we were on the East Coast. Maybe... maybe it was someone back home. Maybe family. Or maybe not. Maybe a girlfriend or boyfriend...
The door swung open, and Nolan stepped out, his lower half clothed for the first time since last night. His jeans sat on his hips, begging to be tugged off again.
“I better, uh, go,” he said as he gathered up his shirt and shoes.
