As real as the red-eye to New York I’m booked on tonight.
Erica shuts the door behind the last of the crew members. “Well, that was exciting,” she says.
I don’t even know what to say. “I thought—”
She shrugs. “Beck says he was adamant about you being at the finale. Text Beck and tell her to have Mallory call my travel agent. She’ll deal with the airline ticket you booked.”
I open my mouth to say why that’s not possible, but she beats me to it.
“We can fly Sierra out here when filming wraps if you like. A girls’ weekend. Or maybe we could rent you two a place in Malibu for a few days….” She pouts a little and touches her fingers to her temples. “I’ve got a migraine. I’m going to lie down for a bit. One of the execs is hosting a get-together tonight in honor of the villa episode, and I’ve got Jana coming in to do bedtime with the kids so you can get packed up for the finale. Bruce will pick you up at eleven tomorrow morning.”
Still partially wrapped in my Dora the Explorer towel, I make my way back to the pool house, where my fully packed suitcase sits on my bed alongside the dead-parents box. I plop down in my armchair and scroll through my messages—thankful that Drew deleted every single social media app before I could get my hands on this thing.
I want to call someone. Sierra. Beck. Anna. Drew. Even Sara Claire or Stacy. Just someone so that the burden of this decision isn’t entirely my own. I need some sort of nudge so that whatever decision I make, and whatever the outcome, I’ll be able to look back, and in some far corner of my mind, not take full responsibility.
I know that if what Henry and I share is real, then we are bigger than some silly television show, but I also know that ditching him on live TV to jump across the country for a job interview sends a very clear message.
All he needed to say wasI choose you. You win. We’ll still play their little game, but you win. In some quiet, stolen moment. Just a whisper would’ve sufficed.
But no matter how many times I dreamed that he would, Henry never said that. He never chose me. After putting my life on hold since graduation, I don’t think I can put it off any longer if all that’s waiting for me is a maybe.
I sit in the backyard by the pool with my suitcase beside me. Inside, Jana is helping Mary with her bath while the boys unwind with some reading time. My phone lights up, alerting me that Georgie, my Lyft driver, is here. No going back now. At least not without jeopardizing my passenger rating.
I sneak away through the kitchen, holding my breath as the sliding glass door squeaks shut.
After snagging a green juice, I make my escape for the front door, and just as I’m about to step outside, a small voice says, “Cindy?”
I turn around to see my sweet Gus in one of my old T-shirts from high school that I’d made for spirit week that saysGO TEAMin black permanent marker.
“Hey, Gus-Gus,” I whisper. “What are you doing out of bed?”
He sighs. “I wanted some water. What I really wanted was some ginger ale, but Ms. Jana said water.”
I leave my bag in the partially open doorway and rush over to the kitchen. After taking a fresh cup from the dishwasher, I pour a splash of ginger ale in. “Shhh,” I tell him. “Our secret.”
He drinks it all in one gulp and immediately lets out a quiet burp.
I stifle a giggle and take the cup from him, rinsing it out and filling it with water.
As he’s taking a drink and wisely holding the cup with both hands, I squat to get on his level and smooth back his soft curls. “Don’t forget to go to the bathroom,” I remind him.
He nods dutifully. “Where are you going?”
“I’m going on a trip,” I whisper.
He leans in, and his bright blue eyes widen into saucers. “Is it a secret?”
I nod. “Can I trust you?”
“Oh yes,” he says without pause. “But do you have to go?”
And that’s the question, isn’t it? The big question pounding in my head and in my heart. “Yes,” I tell him with a firm smile. “I do.”
He pouts briefly before putting on a brave face, shoulders pinned back. “I love you, Cin-Cin.”
“I love you, Gus-Gus.”
“Tell the pilot to do a good job,” he says as he turns to walk back down the hallway to his room.
