“Maybe not the time to rub it in, okay?”
I shake my head. “You’re right. Sorry.” I’m still completely buzzing from my mini make-out session with Tucker—who, by the way, I haven’t seen all morning, but who I did text with until I fell asleep. “What’s got you so nervous?”
“I don’t—” She shakes her head furiously. “I don’t know. I feel like I have gnats in my stomach.”
“You mean butterflies?” I ask.
She shrugs and slumps against an empty prop table. “That’s a little less gross, I guess.”
“You’ll be fine,” I say.
“Prom court!” calls Mrs. Leonard. “We’re on in one minute!”
“Shit, shit, shit, shit,” Hannah mutters.
I’ve never seen her so panicked, which is, by extension, making me feel panicked. I didn’t realize that Hannah’s indifference to everything had this calming effect. She can’t lose it, because if she does, we both will. “You did that whole pageant a couple years ago, and you were fine then,” I say as casually as I can even though I can feel sweat gathering in places where I don’t want sweat to gather.
“But this is different,” she whines as she paces in a circle.
“How is this different? It’s a bunch of people competing for something that doesn’t actually matter and being judged by standards that don’t mean anything in the real world.”
“I didn’t care aboutthat,” she blurts.
“But you care about this?” I ask.
She stands up and begins to pace again. “Think about it. What an epic way to end my time in this hole of a place. Prom king. Dancing with the girl I love—”
“Love?” I knew they were serious, but love is such a big, permanent word.
Hannah nods.
“Does Clementine know that?”
“No, but she will.” She begins to chew on her cuticles, and I pull her hand away.
“I want to tell her,” she continues, “on the dance floor. I want to give her one magically stereotypical high school moment. Is that so weird? I never did homecoming orsports or plays or anything, but I feel like I’m owed at least one moment.We’reowed. And I hate wanting it, because I’m close enough to get it, ya know?”
I nod. “We’re flying close to the sun here.” I understand completely. Being this close to accomplishing the high school dream is intoxicating.
“But it’s ridiculous to even think about saying out loud. Small-town stud wins homecoming king and dances into the night with her perfect girlfriend. That’s not real. But it could be. And now I want it and when I don’t get it, it’ll hurt. The disappointment will sting.” She inhales sharply, and her faint smile looks like it could devolve into tears at any moment.
I shake my head. What would Clem do? She would give a pep talk. “You are smart and funny and you’ve got this style that’s all your own. The crown can’t be your prize. Don’t make it your goal. You can’t control that outcome, but what you can control is telling Clem you love her. That’s the prize. That’s the magically stereotypical moment for you to share with her. The crown? That piece of plastic is just the cherry on top of your queer sundae.”
“Let’s go, people!” calls Mrs. Leonard.
I pull Hannah by the wrist. “Come on, Romeo, let’s do this.”
“Speaking of queer sundaes,” she says, “I like the outfit.”
I do a twirl. “Oh, this little thing?”
My mom had so kindly ironed the khaki pants I’ve worn to weddings, funerals, church. But after a quick skimthrough Grammy’s closet last night, I opted for leggings and a knit rainbow poncho. Grammy called it the statement of all statement pieces. Nothing says fat gay guy running for prom queen like a rainbow poncho, and after that kiss last night, no one can tell me a damn thing.
We all line up, and that’s when I see Tucker three people down, next to Hannah and the other king nominees. He wears black jeans with brown boots and a black-and-white check shirt rolled up to the elbows. So basically, he looks like a hot lumberjack. Wow, I didn’t know I had a type, but apparently I do, and the category is: hot lumberjack.
I catch his eye, and he leans out of line to give me a wave.
Beside me Melissa waves at him as well, but then notices that his gaze reaches over her head to me. She shakes her hand out, like she was shaking it awake after falling asleep instead of waving at her ex-boyfriend.
